True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A-
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Sex & Candy

Bill zooms into the office, where Dr. Ludwig is fully pouring acid (or maybe vinegar, just to see what happens) on her back and burning it out. Which is like a metaphor for every second of this show. "Hold her down!" Dr. Ludwig screams, and since there aren't any options, Bill has to hold Sookie down while she's screaming. Which is sort of a metaphor for their relationship, and also really sad and scary, but is overshadowed by the huge giant Jamiroquai claw Ludwig pulls out of the scar as she's digging her little gnome fingers into the wound. It's so gross! Sookie's hurting so much that her breathing is just a whistle, like the ghost of a scream.

With which we jump to Jason, who's at Jesus Camp, waking up with the cold sweats and also screaming. He laughs at himself and falls back into bed, but who's next to him? Naked? Good old Eddie, which is par for the course with Jason. "You're so warm," Eddie moans. "And I'm so cold!" Jason starts freaking out, and Eddie makes a very good point, which is that if Jason loved Eddie, and he did, and if Jason is still in post-traumatic mourning for Eddie, which he is, then why the eff is Jason hanging at the Waco compound of hating vampires? Jason doesn't really formulate a plausible or logical response, mostly just screaming you're fucking dead over and over, so Eddie caresses him for a moment sweetly, then goes in for the bite.

With which we jump to Jason, who's at Jesus Camp, waking up with the cold sweats and also screaming. He puts his hands together in actual prayer and begs God to help him out, because he's completely lost track of right and wrong, and since whatever usual foggy-headed methods Jason uses to figure out what is going on around him are not working, he's actually sort of going nuts at this point. "Please give me another sign, because I'm lost, I'm so fucking lost..." God, notoriously a reticent communicator, has no real answer. Or maybe he does. "There's your sign," yells the Lukinator, throwing a pillow at him to shut him up. Jason finally pulls it together, sort of, and pulls his blanket up and tries to lie down, but hits his head on the windowsill and whines to himself, like a child.

Ludwig's done, and tells Bill he can feed Sookie now if he wants. He pops fang and Eric grabs his arm, offering to do it himself because he's older and stronger, and Bill's like, "Ah will never allow one such as you" or whatever, and Eric laughs at him and backs off. Bill feeds her and she goes to town, as Eric says goodbye to Dr. Ludwig. "Fuck off!" she yells over her shoulder, which also makes Eric laugh. "She's no fan of the fang. She tolerates us, because our blood is of such great value to healers." Sookie comes conscious, groaning and sucking the hell out of Bill's arm to the point where Eric's like, "You'll overcook her!" So Bill pulls out, with five different kinds of o-face happening, and she looks up at him just covered in blood, all over her face, and thanks him sweetly, and he tenderly lays her head back down so she can rest. They are a very sweet couple sometimes.

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True Blood

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