True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1972 USERS: B
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Huxley Smashcake's Ruinous Revenge

On Bill's red velvet couch where so much has already happened, both sad and joyful, both fickle and fated, a very sad thing comes to pass: Hoyt, buckling up his pants. He apologizes profusely, such is his love for Vampire Bill, but the doleful fire in Bill's eyes will not be so easily doused as the flames of passion roaring only seconds before! Bill throws him out once, twice, three times! But he moves too slow. Sookie throws him his shirt as he swears he wouldn't have let it go further, and begs everybody to chill. But to this "chill" our Mr. Compton will always remain a lukewarm acquaintance at best! He offers to show Hoyt out through a window! That is already closed!

"Bill, that is just rude," Sookie says, embarrassed for everybody, and Hoyt's little heart is breaking, and Jessica's like, "I LIVE HERE TOO!" and Bill says, somewhat more softly, that it's not Jessica he is protecting. Hoyt looks at her, undone, and crosses to the door as Jessica whimpers, embarrassed, with her fangs still out. His mood is regretful, with a tinge of blue balls. Which for a fangbanger, even a fetal one like our Hoyt, is no laughing matter. He could have had his first fangbang, his first intercourse with a vampire, but he doesn't mind. "I don't believe him for a minute," Hoyt says softly, sweetly, and she smiles to herself as Bill closes the door.

"We established there was to be no hunting in this house!" Bill screams, and instead of pointing mutely at Sookie, she just informs Bill of WTF is actually going on, which somebody always has to do and for which she has already demonstrated a serious competence and interest. "Look, I know you feel like shit because you had to make me. And you should feel like shit. But guess what? I'd never even kissed a boy before that." Sookie, until recently herself a young dowager, is touched. "Meeting Hoyt's the only good thing that's happened to me since my whole 'new life' started." Bill is chastened to the degree that Bill can be chastened. "Now, I'm not ready for anything to happen too fast. I'd have been happy just to go on kissing him all night long!" Now Bill is openly touched, because now you are speaking his language. The language of love!

True Blood

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