True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1963 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Huxley Smashcake's Ruinous Revenge

Dirk pipes up to say that even some women are becoming Soldiers. As though by the pejorative implication that doesn't burn him just as bad. (I tweeted something the other day about how it was obvious to me even before the election that the GOP was going to scapegoat poor stupid Sarah Palin just like they did poor stupid Lynndie England and poor stupid Eve before them -- either in loss by blaming her, which is what happened, or if they won by turning her into Dan Quayle, win/win -- and ended with some offhand thing about "And I'm dumber than Sarah Palin!" To which some member of the conservative braintrust who was monitoring Twitter that day for reasons known only to him responded, "Yeah, you probably are!" Irony 1, Palin 0.)

Trying to get it back, Jason asks if they're all going to be bunking at the Newlins' like he is, which causes a momentary duh for everybody before Luke finds a way to get in there, laughing that he gets it: "I get it. Preacher's wife needs something to play with." Jason is honestly insulted, because after all, puppy magic aside, these are the only people who have ever said he was good at anything besides fucking. They haven't been incredibly specific on what that is, besides the marksmanship, but they're pretty sure he has this like undefined excellence. I mean, I love him, and I want him on my team, but I'm pretty sure it's for the exact opposite reasons, and I still couldn't really define it for you. Which is fine, because like he cares.

"She wants your hot beef injection," Dirk clarifies, and the whole bunk relaxes: that's what Stackhouse is bringing to the table. We aren't being Esau'd, we're legitimate. It's Jason that hasn't earned it. The whole world is right again. Which is sad on many levels, number one being Jason Sad Face, but also: this is a case in which Jason's skills are useful, basically because every army needs cannon fodder and a poster boy, just as every cult needs a terrorist cell. I'm not saying he's not going to nail Sarah Newlin -- and the number of eyes on his ass, seems like he'll pull a train with most of the Institute -- but that doesn't mean he didn't earn this. He earned this the same way you earn your way into any predator's lair: by being delicious and stupid.

True Blood

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