True Blood
She's Not There

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
The Dessert Of The Real, Or: Shut The Elf Up!

Previously: All kinds of things but it's not necessary to follow up with any of them at this time, because of what's happened since last summer. Case by case basis. After breaking up with all her vampire lovers for being paternalistic and getting her killed all the time and sucking her blood without even asking, Sookie's gone to Faeryland.

FAERYLAND

Looks: Dumb like you'd assume -- or, if you saw Caprica, it looks like Cheesy Fake Abomination Matrix Heaven -- everybody's roaming around in togas eating glowing fruit that looks like the whimsical holiday lighting you might buy at a party store and there's a permanent Maxfield Parrish lavender-hour thing happening. It looks like those Terry Brooks fantasy paperbacks you used to see at the grocery store and wonder who that was. I was kind of hoping it would look like Beirut, but whatever.

Who is here: Grandaddy Earl, Barry the Bellhop and Claudine -- who is Sookie's literal Fairy Godmother.

Sookie: "Okay, if your job is to look after me, can I just say you suck?"
Claudine: "Listen, the way you act? You stomp into the face of death like five times in every episode and then get mad when the creatures you're taunting react by trying to kill you. I fully assume you're going to try and get killed at least once in this scene alone."
Sookie: "Valid."

Barry the Bellhop's fairy godmother is a hot dude named Lloyd who looks like a Master of the Universe, but even gayer. Maybe this whole thing isn't so bad. I want mine to look like the title character of the movie Krull, whom I've been convinced I am going to marry since I was about five.

Sookie looks around and realizes a bunch of stuff about Faeryland all at once. (I know I keep linking to that, but I don't want to explain it any more times.) Namely, don't eat the food because it will mess you right up. Everybody's sucking on the fruit -- the (if you will, apparently) lumiere -- and having these orgasm faces and whatever. It tastes good and feeds your faerie nature and also pulls a Persephone on you.

Sookie: "Grandaddy Earl, what are you doing here? You died when I was little!"
Earl: "Sookie, what are you doing here? Why are you thirty? I've been here a week."

The credits roll as they stare, stare, stare at each other. I guess we can use this time to think about how if twenty years is a week in Faeryland, then just this teaser is probably costing Sookie at least a few months. That is, if you can stop laughing at their hilarious staring contest and the faery music going apeshit long enough to think at all.

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True Blood

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