True Blood
She's Not There

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
The Dessert Of The Real, Or: Shut The Elf Up!

On the one hand, Jessica does not need to be cooking for him for any reason at all. And then, of course, she doesn't eat food so that should totally be his problem. But I seem to remember Jason having similar problems while living with Hoyt, so it's really just kind of sad to see him still having these presumption problems a year later and either way it's fine because that's not really what the fight is about.

Can Jessica go to the store once in awhile? No, because human food is all dead and grody and going to the Piggly-Wiggly is like a trip to the morgue. (Even though she's a waitress at Merlotte's.) Although Hoyt does make the good point that he feeds her, like, every night, and that -- "bleeding out, into your mouth" -- was pretty gross for him for starters, so maybe he's actually right on this one tiny point. So can Jessica scramble him some eggs sometime just because she loves him?

Maybe, but that's not the issue right now, because the issue right now is that baby is hungry and will not be thinking straight, so really the answer is to not have this fight. Because the fight is really about how eventually you figure out that every marriage is a mixed marriage.

But he won't stop bitching about it, so finally she zooms over to the kitchen and starts breaking eggs into a pan, shells included, screaming. "You want an egg? How about a dozen fucking eggs? I'm cooking for ya just like your mama!"

So then they fight about his mother.

Jessica: "If her aim were any better, I'd be a pile of goo and she'd be making your eggs! Your delicious fucking eggs! You like 'em runny?"
Hoyt, stubborn as hell: "I don't give a crap, I'm starvin'."
Jessica: "Good. Then God forbid I overcook it!"

It's amazing. Have you ever had this fight? Man, I don't miss being young like that. But when your identity is all mixed up in proving stuff, it's so easy for things to mean other things that they don't mean. Because there's a way in which it has nothing to do with people food and everything to do with the ecstatic realization that becoming a vampire, though it was awful at the time, eventually and quickly revealed itself as the gorgeous, thrilling moment that freed Jessica from a lifetime of...this.

EXACTLY THIS.

To love is to be buried, even when it's perfect goddamn Hoyt. You'd scream too. So she throws down this disgusting mess of eggshells and broken yolks and nasty, and he starts shoveling it into his face, it's so gross -- "Tastes great! Tastes just fuckin' scrumptious!" -- and finally Jessica cracks and starts laughing at him and begs him to stop eating the gross eggs. He tries to frown and be all, "Ain't nothin' funny about your disgusting, sorry-ass cookin'," but eventually he starts laughing too.

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True Blood

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