Portia: "Whatever. I'll find them and we'll tell them how pathetic your life is."
Sookie, trying to be friendly: "Thank you. There's a lifetime of memories in that house..."
Portia, psychically: "Yeah, memories of people getting murdered and cats getting murdered and werewolves getting shot and pools of blood everywhere all the time and that one drunk lady cutting off her finger and everybody fucking in your yard."
Portia, psychically: "Poor girl. Well, except for fucking Bill Compton all the time. She must really have been in love with him if she went off to do 'vampire business' for a whole year and her house even got sold out from under her. I hope she doesn't come crawling back or I will have to turn into a bitch. He barely talks about her anymore! Welcome the fuck home, Sookie Stackhouse. Hands off my man!"
Sookie: "What were you saying? Sorry, my eyes were crossed and I was ignoring the words coming out of your mouth."
Hoyt's making up for his fit with a Date Night up in Shreveport, where a boy can be a boy and a vamp can be a vamp. He doesn't notice, although Pam does, when a super cute guy comes up to her for some fangbanging and she watches his jugular throb for a while before remembering that she is with Hoyt, and then he comes back with her drink and they apologize to each other, and she folds herself into him desperately but can't manage to keep her eyes off the fangbanger -- and he's not shy about watching her either -- so she runs off to a bathroom stall to get her shit together, and Pam arrives to get awesome:
"Toilets are for humans only. Do I need to explain why."
Jessica leans against the wall of the stall and Pam takes her in.
"It's been ages. Not a letter, a telegram, a smoke signal... We've been worried sick about you."
Before Jessica can even say the word really, Pam's like, "No, not really." More of that fast vampire talk. Jessica thinks of something to say, and explains that she's been living with Hoyt for the last year. "That tree with the plaid shirt," Pam clarifies, and then grins.
Pam: "He seems sweet and all, if you're into that sort of thing, but if you're making him bring you here I've got a hunch it's not enough."
Jessica: "It was his idea, like, Date Night to apologize for our relationship's insurmountable challenges."