Elder: "Don't worry about Warlow or about not having your requisite fifteen boyfriends with magic powers. Sookie, you now have a fairy army on your side."
Sookie: "Just because of Russell? But how would you even know the..."
Elder: "I am being weird! Shut up and listen!"
Sookie: "...So, you're clear on our mysterious plan?"
Jason: "Yes. I will do the mysterious thing."
Sookie: "I just hope you don't get killed or ass-raped."
Jason: "What matters is that I'm going to get killed or ass-raped protecting you, just like everybody else on this entire show including an entire country of refugee fairies."
Sookie: "I've come to expect it, but thanks anyway."
Although he does give her that one look he usually makes about her -- or his daddy -- which is ultimately compelling as hell, because he is the greatest.
Arlene & Lafayette: Have a conversation. I watched it six times and I still don't really understand what it's about.
Maurella: "Hey Andy, can we talk?"
Andy: "Not without Maury Povich nearby."
Maurella: "Somehow we had sex multiple times, which weren't on the show, and now I'm magical pregnant and about to have our baby."
Andy: "Maybe you're just a slut?"
Maurella: "Remember that time my finger lit up and you touched it? That was me putting a sparkle in your eye which is now a baby in my uterus. I think."
Andy: "Frankly though, I would prefer to be with Holly, because she is a person."
Maurella, verbatim: "To ignore the Light Pact will bring great dishonor upon me and all my Clan. It is an Act of War."
Andy: "It is so hard to take you seriously when you say shit like that. That was like, Sam Merlotte level of dork."
Jessica: "I mean, Bill always sucked, but this was him acting crazy and mean. It was like he was barely even a pussy."
Pam: "Jacob was right last week. When vampires suck on each other's blood, it makes them act like dinks. It's why the Nest in season one was so dorky. Possibly also this Lilith stuff is making them even worse."
Jessica: "Well, thanks for letting me stay here anyway."
Pam, verbatim: "Totally! Maybe later we can braid each other's hair and talk about boys. Fuckin' baby vamps."