Jessica tries to get Bill to let her out of the Authority compound, to warn Jason that Russell and Steve are looking for Sookie, but Bill is insane now, so instead he sends her to turn Jason into a vampire. Unacceptable. They kill her vampire bodyguards, and she runs to Fangtasia!, where she earns her safety by telling Pam she knows where Eric is. Tara denies having a crush on Pam, protesting a bit too much, but the real interesting info is that the Authority now qualifies as a Nest, as in Season One's Dragon House, and that's part of the reason Bill is acting so crazy. The other part of why they are getting so weird is, um, they are on drugs.
Sookie meets with the amazing otherworldly Elder of Faerielande, while Jason allows himself to be glamoured by Steve and Russell so they can be ambushed by the faeries. This part was pretty good, but there were some sadly misjudged jokes that either weren't funny in the first place, or aren't funny now, but either way it's meant to be topical -- and for most people probably just referencing Ke$ha and Boys II Men is the same hilarious thing as actually making a funny joke about those things, which is not actually what happened. Anyway, when it all comes down, Russell overpowers the Elder and drains her, allowing him to detect Faerielande. I loved, loved, loved the Faerie Elder, and was sad to see her go. She was like from space! She was like the Godric of weirdness!
You know who is kind of the new Godric is Jessica. Anyway, Rosalyn shows up at Fangtasia! looking for Elijah -- her gross progeny, turns out -- and Pam takes the fall. So now Pam and Jessica -- as well as Luna and Sam -- are back in custody at the Authority. (At one point, Sam offers himself to Bill as lunch, hopefully with sexy results.) Over the episode, Lilith "appears" to Bill, Candyman, and Salome, telling each of them that they're the Chosen One and they need to kill the other ones and blah-blee-bloo revolutions always turn to the right meep-morp. It's about as subtle and silly as the David Petraeus lookalike showing up at the Authority to remind everybody that America will totally destroy all vampires if necessary.
Which, PS? It's necessary. Baby vamps are running wild all over the real world, Maurella is about to have Andy's baby, Alcide's daddy has come to life in this vampire apocalypse, and Nora and Eric, I have no idea what's up with them at this point. They are doing it, but in a sad way where maybe the visions of Lilith eating Godric's face have done the opposite of make them be into Lilith? I don't get it. The point is, almost the entire cast is now at the Authority, Russell is about to eat all the faeries of Faerielande, and there aren't too many people that aren't involved in one problem or the other, and next week is the finale.
Nora and Bill Lilith-boarded Eric, causing Godric's children to hallucinate his (third, pretend) death in some kind of symbolic Hail Mary, which eventually caused Eric to fake (?) being a Lilinista convert. Jessica's none too sure about any of this, while Russell has abandoned the cause altogether because he just remembered Sookie is a faerie. Sookie found out she's "promised" to an M. Warlow, but not what that means, and Hoyt is bound for Alaska. Pam and Tara are stuck with a crummy new Sherriff and no customers. In animal-people news, Sam and Luna are at the Authority now, where Steve Newlin is being shitty to Emma, while Alcide and his drunk daddy are having incomprehensible werewolf problems.
Lilith: "Bill! Drink all of the Me!"
Bill: "Check. Oh, but wait. Is it possible Ah am just crazy now?"
Lilith: "Fuck you mean, now?"
Nora: "Speaking of crazy, I am still crazy."
Salome: "Nora, put on a nice dress. We've got the Army coming by. Are you doing okay?"
Nora: "Am I ever? Also, what about this whole Russell thing where he was in the prophecy that you made up, and now he's suddenly not in the prophecy that you made up?"
Salome: "Don't worry about it. Wanna make out?"
Nora: "I'm cool with whatever."
Bill: "Jessica! Why are you using my phone?"
Jessica: "To tell Jason about the vampire apocalypse and how Steve Newlin is constantly trying to fuck or kill him."
Bill: "Letting you use mah phone is not goin' to change the fact that the Stackhouses are a million miles of bullshit that Ah don't care about anymore."
Jessica: "Is this because you joined a vampire drug cult and think you're Jesus? How about you let me go make him a vampire, like in Vampire Bible? I promise I'm going to."
Bill: "Ah do not believe you would really do it, and you are a terrible liar. Therefore, I will send you with SWAT guys so you'll be forced to turn Jason. Think of it as mah punishment for you trying to use mah phone."
Eric: "It's possible I am more numbers of agent than Bill at this point."
Nora: "Hey, how is it going? Want to have sex out of nowhere?"
Eric: "I thought you had errands to run, because of the Army guy."
Nora: "To be honest I'm at sixes and sevens today."
Eric: "Fine, let's just do it and whatever."