THE HUNK SANDWICH PLAN
Jason patrols Sookie's house, where Russell and Steve are headed, and eventually Russell grabs and glamours him. They chest-bump him back and forth, because homosexuals are really into straight guys and threesomes and gross daddy stuff, and also have no concept of monogamy. Oh, and they abuse their adopted children.
Jason: "Oh, Sookie? Yeah, she's in another universe that is a cabaret of faeries."
Russell: "That is crazy! It sounds exactly like what I would have made up for the best case scenario, and therefore I am not suspicious at all. You wanna go there?"
Jason: "Sure, I'll lead you right to her!"
Russell: "The thing about hubris is, sometimes it's just confidence. Dale Carnegie taught me that, before I turned him into a vampire. Have you met my boyfriend Steve?"
Jason: "Hey, Steve. This is rather awkward."
Alcide and his dad engage in that perennial fight of vampires and werewolves. Guess who wins?
The SWAT guards notice Sam and Luna running around naked and for once they are not immediately struck by this, because they're running around a place where plenty of hapless humans are already naked, because they are food. Emma's down in there for some dumb reason, but it doesn't matter: They are shifternapped.
Guard: "Bring one of these naked people for Bill to eat!"
Sam: "I am that naked person! We had sex once, I can fix this!"
Sam, verbatim: "Do whatever you have to!"
Luna: "I'm naked and in jail. What, are you suggesting I have magic powers or something? I can just turn into a rhinoceros or a dragon and solve everything?"
Sam: "You're right, sorry! That was a dumb idea!"
Bill: "I just came in here to have another fight with a bottle of stuff. What are you doing here?"
Candyman: "I keep thinking Lilith is saying I should drink all of the Her."
Bill: "That doesn't arouse my suspicions at all! Drink all of this me killing you instead!"
Sam: "Save Luna!"
Pam: "Who the fuck is Luna?"
Sam: "I know, right?"
Chelsea: "Chancellor Compton, if you're done with your eighty-seventh coup for no reason, we brought Jessica back for the hundredth time in the last two episodes."