Outside the MoonGoddess Emporium, Eric and Bill whine about their daughters castigating them for being Sookie-whipped -- but then offer to commit suicide in order to save her from the hostage situation going on inside. It's not played for laughs, but it sure is stupid. That was the most fucked up part of the whole thing, I think, besides that meshuga fire circle and the amazing twists and turns of plot. The witches do a bunch more dumb shit, like even when Marntonia just starts randomly stabbing people, they still don't seem to understand that she is bad news. Maybe they are confused because she is stabbing them with magic, but it's still pretty noteworthy.
Because Marnie did some kind of spell that means Antonia can't leave no matter how crazy she gets, Lala and Jesus take the witch corpse into the bathroom and do some kind of really bad magic that makes the demon face of Jesus blow fire out of it. Out of his face! It's scary. Meanwhile, less scary: Fake-looking shitty CGI fire in a circle around Sookie that makes her cry and scream and everybody worries about her some more. Oh, and Tara calls stupid Roy an Uncle Tom, which made me laugh a little bit.
In the end, Lala and Jesus help Antonia desert the sinking ship that is Marnie, invalidating all of her/their spells and letting the vampires in so they can murder the shit out of Roy, and then shoot Marnie fulla holes. That part was pretty awesome, but not as awesome as -- later that night -- Lafayette holding Jesus's hand through some PTSD stuff and then opening his eyes to find Ghost Marnie floating up there, ready to take over his body!
Other things that happened which tied a bunch of seemingly unrelated storylines together out of nowhere: Sam almost killed Marcus, who was going to kidnap Luna's daughter and run away with Debbie, and then Alcide tussled with him and he died. And then Alcide abjured Debbie, which if you don't know werewolf talk that means he shunned her harder than a Pennsylvania Dutch caught building a newfangled barn. Like, he cannot see or hear her and she doesn't exist in any way. Like in nature, how wolves are always doing Mean Girl shit like that.
Good thing she's not a dangerous drug addict with about two marbles left, or anything. What else? Everything was super fucked up. It was the most fucked-up episode probably of the entire series. Every moment was chock full of WTFuckery. Andy Bellefleur, as we hoped, runs across a faerie in the woods on his way back home, and they do it, and she has an ET finger, and she probes him with it, and he makes some scary promises that will reflect utterly on his central problem of masculinity next season. Arlene was more likeable than she has been in years, that was pretty cool to see. Oh, and Jess and Jason are in love and they know it, so it's okay that they're constantly sucking each other's blood and turning Hoyt into a dangerous racist.
So next week, finale. The Witch War is now to be fought on a whole different front because it was already over and now that bitch is back and it's Halloween, so probably all dead people will come back and faeries will come and Rene will come and Marcus will be still talking that awful way he talks. And I guess Lafayette will add his fashion sense to Marnie's ghost fashions, and will come out looking like Miss Cleo fucked Zelda Rubenstein.
Outside MoonGoddess, the daughters have had it.
Pam: "I have become an obnoxious one-liner machine!"
Jessica, verbatim: "I am so sick of silvering myself all day every day! I'm pissed off all the time! This is what PMS used to feel like!"
Bill: "Allow me to provide you all with some exposition about how those witches are stuck in there with Antonia Gavilán de Logroño."
Pam: "Everything I say is a catchphrase!"
Sookie: "So on the one hand, my boyfriends are here to blow us up, like I kept telling everybody last week. But on the downside, you witches are dorks on a level I didn't even know existed. I, who dated Bill Compton, am judging you for dorkiness."
Roy: "It's true! I am the worst!"
Marnie: "If this is what it's like having friends, well, I love it. Nobody leaves!"
Some Witch: "Hey, I am out of here. I would rather get eaten by vampires than spend one more second in here smelling this kitty litter place."
Marnie: "If you want to go, you can totally leave whenever you want."
Witch: "That's very reasonable of you. I am going to go home and take a nap."
Marnie: "Just kidding!"
(She stabs her with telepathy, and a knife.)
Marnie: "You guys all saw how that was self-defense, right?"
Everybody Except Roy: "You are fucking exhausting."
Antonia: "All right. I have had enough."
Lafayette: "I have medium powers now, so I am going to explain this scene to you guys as it is happening. If that sounds cutesy and tedious and unnecessary, that's because it is."
Antonia: "Marnie, you have gone crazy. Perhaps there were some hints we all missed."
Marnie: "I'm sorry I killed that witch a second ago, but I have lost my marbles!"
Lafayette: "There is a ghost bitch and they are having a hooker talk about bitch hooker things."
Antonia: "That's why I'm leaving. Remember the last ten times I broke up with you because you're corrupt and selfish and using this whole deal for your own warped pathetic agenda? Those same things."
Lafayette: "That ghost bitch just remembered for the eleventh time that the old hooker sucks."
Marnie: "But what will that entail? Because they've made such a hash of our relationship, your intentions, which one of us is more powerful and why I even need you, that literally anything could happen?"
Lafayette: "The old bitch is talking about how little sense this storyline makes."
Antonia: "What are you going to do, telepathically stab me?"
Lafayette: "Now that ghost hooker is a bitch hooker bitch bitch."
Marnie: "Well maybe all of a sudden I will barf you in reverse and then you can't leave my body. I'm repossessing you!"
Lafayette: "That hooker done puked the bitch back into herself."
Jesus: "That means something magical."