True Blood
Sparks Fly Out

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Driver's Ed

He smiles nervously as he takes the pulpit (Lectern? Ambo? Ambo is the best word ever): "As you can see, I did not burst into flames. We vampires are not minions of the Devil. We can stand before a cross, or a Bible, or in a church, just as readily as any other creature of God." In a sufficiently large world, he's saying, you understand that everything that exists, exists with the consent of its Creator. Vampires are creatures of God by virtue of the fact that they are natural beings, because all we have is nature. And if you can stop sneezing long enough to notice that, you can be a part of the world too; you can drive the Ferrari if you're brave enough to admit that it exists.

"I am honored to stand before you tonight. Vampires have traditionally been very private, perhaps to our detriment. But I believe, if we reach out to one another, that we can coexist, and even thrive together." This last comment directed right at Sookie, all intense and vampirical, like "I'll thrive all over your face." Bill served in the 28th Louisiana Infantry, formed in Monroe in 1862 under Colonel Snoozefest Boringfuck, and it was in the war that Bill and his fellow soldiers learned the value of human life, "and the ease with which it can be extinguished."

Bud's all, "That son of buck's been killing since the 1860s, why stop now?" But Andy points at Pamie's Friend & Modern-Day Keanu Reeves Todd Lowe: "That don't prove anything. My cousin Terry killed twenty Iraqis in Fallujah. You saying we should lock him up?" Bud responds that Terry should be locked up regardless, and Andy's hilarious face is like, "Huh? ...Well, probably, yeah."

Bill's explaining how back in the day, soldiers were uneducated and didn't understand the political and ideological conflicts that lead to them getting shot in the head and dying before they get the chance to live a completely life. Glad it's not like that anymore. Arlene's kid remarks on his dead-guy pallor and she shushes him: "No darlin', we're white. He's dead." Rene laughs at that. It's so awesome to be full-on white, surrounded by other white people, and then talk about how fucking white you are. I don't know if you know about it, but white people do that constantly. They're called board meetings.

Zoom in on Jason, the blood beating in his veins and his temples, the V in him, changing him, putting in the action. It's as though Bill is speaking directly to him, explaining that going to war what not a choice for them, because it's a choice for nobody: when the war starts, you are called to action. When the war starts, Jason, you have to be ready. You have a calling to fulfill. You have a destiny, it has been handed down to you, from above: drink of us as we drink of you, and you will be sacrificed, and you will become one with all nature, without time or space or the need for any symbolic meaning beyond the simple and profound experience of existence itself. (Starbuck! I'm not kidding!) You are a meaningless object imbued with rich symbolic significance; you are a bucket of blood in a shapely sausage casing; you are prey. Your body is your enemy, your body is your weapon, your body is your currency, your body is your darling, your body is a world that's getting bigger, your body is a world you watch from outside and never inhabit, your body is a meaningless object without intrinsic significance, your body is part of all nature because all we have is nature. You are a creature and a child of God.

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True Blood

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