True Blood
Sparks Fly Out

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Driver's Ed

After the credits get done doing bad things with you, lo there is a great shaking and pounding at Lafayette's door, to which he responds as usual by picking up a baseball bat. Because it's a TV show we only see it when it's important but I like to imagine that Lafayette's entire day is just people knocking wildly at his door, and him responding with suspicion. Like right before this, ten random people showed up pounding on his door, one after the other, and he had tell them basic shit about living life. How does he get any sleep? Anyway, Tara comes walking in and immediately starts hurling everything she can get hands on at his head. He bats them away easily: "Bring it on, hooker. I was all-parish in high school."

Lafayette's cousin Tara freaks out on him for dealing V -- "get your ass killed" is a representative phrase -- and he tells her that frankly she could use of the perspective it provides, but he's just being cute. He asks if she's more angry that he's dealing this particular drug among all the drugs he deals among all the illegal revenue streams he generates, or if this is about Jason Stackhouse. It is always about Jason Stackhouse. "Givin' vampire blood to Jason Stackhouse is like givin' HoHos to a diabetic! You know he can't control himself." Lafayette points out that he couldn't have been more clear about how to use the incredibly potent drug -- which is sparingly -- and Jason couldn't have been more adorably retarded by overdosing. "I had to take him to the ER. They drained his penis with a needle the size of an ice pick. Twice. It was the most disturbing shit I've ever seen in my entire life!" He tries to calm her down, but it's the tone when she says, "He suffered, Lafayette," that gets him. He promises to check on Jason later, and as he lights a Swisher asks WTF point there is in coming to his house at 3AM to throw things. "It! Makes! Me! Feel better!" He smiles: valid.

A few hours later it's morning, and some crazy lady is haranguing Gran on the phone while she makes breakfast, all, "Shame on you! A vampire is a perversion of humanity and you, vampire lover, are perverting our community by bringing one into the open! I don't care what sort of wretches you keep in your own home, but when you bring freaks and abominations into our churches in front of our children, you will..." Adele, interested in neither talking shit about Sookie nor about Bill Compton, tries to calm the bitch down and tells her to hear what he has to say before picking up her pitchfork and calling a lynching, but you know how people are when they're afraid. Sookie comes in looking for some breakfast, and the lady's yelling at Adele about how she's going to hell, and Adele hangs up: "All right, same to you. Bye, now!"

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True Blood

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