True Blood
Sparks Fly Out

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
Driver's Ed

"Baby, it's too late for that. Faggots been breeding your cows, raising your chickens, even brewing your beer, long before I walked my sexy ass up in this motherfucker. Everything on your goddamn table's got AIDS." I wish every episode were just Lafayette talking, because I never have much to add because he is so wonderful. They sit there, in the midst of all that AIDS, and consider their circumstance. Blondie says another retarded thing about how "You still ain't makin' me eat no AIDS burger," which ... who the fuck is making you do anything? I'm so confused. It's like this whole stop hitting yourself thing that he's doing, like he's playing an elaborate prank on the world, looking for a fight and too dumb to justify it like the rest of us.

But again, Lafayette understands what he means. He picks up the top of the bun and licks off some mayonnaise, slowly and delicately, and proceeds to do the very thing Blondie did not want: forces him to eat some AIDS by slamming the licked bun in his face, going ninja on the two other guys faster than the human eye, and punching Blondie in the face a couple times. "Bitch, you come in my house, you're gonna eat my food the way I fucking make it! Do you understand me?" He tosses the plate in Blondie's lap and holds his hand in the air as though to suggest that, in another time and place, he would be snapping his fingers in your face. It's a gesture that suggests, rather than embodies, like slang for slang or the next generation of a phrase. "Tip your waitress," he says, heading back toward the kitchen. His brother-in-V Jason Stackhouse is having a fucking ball, slapping him five and dancing to his own special giggly music.

Coming out of the restaurant, Sam's ready to take the next step. He's grateful she can't hear all his thoughts, he explains, because then she would I guess know that his tongue was aiming for her throat. That's certainly where it finds itself at this time. She kisses him back, and he starts getting way into it, and she finally takes a second to breathe. She's like, "We are going too fast, we are not going too fast, we are should not be kissing, we should be kissing, I need everything to stop."

"Trust me, I want to. It's just kind of... too much right now, and a little too soon since..." He takes a second asking sweetly what she means, and then jumping back in a rage. "Goddamn it, Sookie!" She apologizes, because she's kind of new to dating because she never met any monsters until lately, and he frets about how taking her to the DGD meeting was the killing blow. "It's not him. Just stop it. I just can't go jumping from kissing one man to the next so quickly..." Sam starts shaking and thinks about peeing on her, all, "YOU KISSED HIM?" Not your business. "What else did you do?" Really not your business. "Is this a contest for you? Whatever he did, you have to top it?" Sam tells her that's not fair, but as usual she's twice as good at conversation as anybody besides Tara: "You know what's unfair, is you waiting 'til someone else shows an interest before you decide to kiss me." He whines that she has no future with a vampire, and she rocks: "They don't die! I've got nothing but a future with one." Advantage Stackhouse!

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