True Blood
Sparks Fly Out

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Driver's Ed

They start pushing again and he asks them straight up if the bodies were exsanguinated when they were discovered. Andy refuses to tell him, just on dickish principle, and he explains, licking his lips and going into that darker voice, that horny, breathing, hungry voice: "Because a fresh corpse... full of blood? Detective, that's something no vampire could resist. I dare say, not even I." Andy's like, "Glad you weren't there, then," and Bill points out it's not just him: "A vampire would have drained those girls of every last drop." He drops the voice and asks Andy how he's liking his Fresca, and apologizes for the temperature: he doesn't own a refrigerator. Plus, you know, the roaring fire on a hot summer night probably isn't helping. Outside, after leaving, Bud tells Andy to forget his pen, because they're not going back for it. And inside, Bill watches them go before taking off his jacket so he can have some memories.

Everything about this flashback is like a neon sign: You Are In A Gothic Fairytale Right Now: the mysterious house in the woods, the lonely magical widow alone in her house, the starving traveler. I love how completely the atmosphere is created, for this it's like a whole other show for a bit. So Old Human Bill knocks on the door for a while, because he's been walking away from the war for two weeks and now he's hungry and thirsty and tired and dying, and finally he cuts the rope that serves as a chain lock and lets himself in; the woman of the house holds a gun to his head and tells him not to move.

Of course, later he's drinking thirstily as Lorena cooks him food after food, including toast from the scary implement. They talk about how his company disbanded immediately, and how nobody knows that the war's over because there is no Anderson Cooper yet in this horrible primordial America. The past is so, so awful. Based on how much awesomer it is right now compared to any other time ever, I'm thinking the future is going to fucking rock. Anyway, his hair still looks totally cute, which is score one for the past, but still a billion for right now because there's nothing keeping him from having cute hair in all timelines. He tries to tell her some lie about how her husband probably stopped writing her letters because he's so busy buying her a pony or something, and she's like: "I'm totally cool with being a widow, actually. Oh, and let's fuck." Well, first she wipes all the blood off his face, and is like totally obsessed with it, and he kind of enjoys the feeling of skin against his skin and the cool water wiping away the blood and grime, and that's when she tries to fuck him. He's all, "Um, my wife and kids are my favorite thing in the whole world, actually, and I'd feel creepy if I fucked you and saw them right afterward, so chill." Chill she does not.

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