True Blood
Sparks Fly Out

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Driver's Ed

Lorena tells Bill to stop judging her, and he's like, "That's just how my face looks! I am nonjudgmental!" She doesn't care, and just tries to climb him some more, so he thanks her for her hospitality and tries to leave, but then it turns out that she is a vampire. And then it turns out that he is dead.

Later Lorena's watching him be almost entirely dead in her bed, wearing a corset, suddenly clean and regal and scary. She smiles down at him as his eyelids flutter open, and he's totally horrified because she has decorated her room in Late Guy, which she explains: "They all presented themselves as gentlemen. You can blame the war if you like. They proved to be no more than savages once I let them into my home. They deserve no better." He's like, "So I'm totally dead, right?" And she's like, no, I'm way sicker than that. She straddles him with about ten acres of petticoats getting tossed all over the place, and explains she's been waiting a long time for a man like Bill, with totally cute hair and no interest in boning her. I see women every day sabotaging themselves in just this way: find the one inaccessible guy, and that's the one you suck all the blood out of and turn into a creature of the night. Such a cliché. She tells him it's going to be awesome because his wife and children are still around and all he has to do is drink her creepy blood, but he's kind of resisting that because as she says it, she's totally slitting her own throat open. Damn, girl.

Lorena drips blood all over Bill's face -- Which she just cleaned all the blood off of! Argh! -- and finally that little tongue comes peeping out. Man, it's always the tongue. If Jason's penis is its own separate character at this point, how about Bill's goddamn tongue? Finally he gets after it, and she holds him to her neck, moaning as he sucks harder and harder, getting stronger. And her idea of dirty talk is really unnerving. "Take me in you. Feel me in you. We are together William, forever. You are mine..." Lorena is all about the postmodern irony of penetrating the penetrator while he's penetrating you and whatever. Sex, Sex, Sex; Love, Love, Love. Bill stares at his family on the porch, sees his son catch a glimpse of him in the night, and Lorena gloats behind him.

"Look. You know you can never enter. Do you wish to see them grow old? Grow feeble and die, while you remain the same year after year? They are as good as dead. If they are found harboring a vampire... I've brought you here, and now it's time for us to go." He stands there, weeping blood, and doesn't move; she draws her finger across the air above his shoulder, scratching him lightly, reminding him of the rules now. "Come." He moans, but follows, because he must. And then back in our time, he goes to town on the fireplace; sparks fly out. He really doesn't react well to authority, does he?

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True Blood

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