True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 7 USERS: B+
A Rookie In Sex Narnia

Antonia: "Cool. I'm going to bring an entire army and not tell you."
Bill: "I'm going to do the same thing, awesome."
Antonia: "How about that cemetery by your house, at midnight?"
Bill: "I was thinking like a convention center or something, but okay."
Antonia: "Yeah, I'm kind of a drama queen."
Bill: "Yeah, I think we're going to get along just fine."


Andy: "Please stop taking pictures of your dead neighbor's goo while I'm thinking about eating it. This is an official crime scene, ma'am."
Maxine: "Don't you ma'am me, Andy Bellefleur. I taught you in vacation Bible school. Actin' like you don't even know who I am..."

Meanwhile, Tommy steals a bunch of makeup, turquoise jewelry, and a muumuu. Awesomely, he takes one pair of shoes and then totally puts it back for another pair, because if you're going to dress up like an old lady the last thing you want is some mean drag queen making fun of your choices.


Alcide: "That was fun. I liked the part where Marcus was actually cool."
Debbie: "I met some really nice bitches tonight for sure. Get it? Bitches. Because we're like bikers."
Marcus: "Hey guys, thanks for coming out. I hope we'll be friends, at least until Debbie leaves you for me."
Alcide: "Water does seem to find its own level."

Shrevepuppies: Big snarly fight, because they are wolves and also bikers.
Alcide & Marcus: Alpha them hard. Bond and bromance a little; it's cool.


1: "It feels good when snow melts on your skin, even when you're dead."
2: "This is crazy, yo."
Verbatim: "All is possible. You and me, possible. Loving you, possible. Loving you. Loving at all, actually. I/You never thought I/you could, after Bill. But here I/we am/are. All is possible. Blah blah blah. We are a mass of incandescent gas."


Arlene: "Yah yah yah! Skwee skwee blech blech!"
Terry: "Look, between this rear-view mirror I rigged up and that weird voodoo ghost, it's possible for me to work in this kitchen and also take care of our devil baby."
Voodoo Lady: "Hey, Lafayette!"
Lafayette, immediately bouncing: "Fuck this shit."

"Maxine" meets up with that oil rights prospector so he can get the check for her property and skip town -- having no family and having gotten burned by both Maxine and Sam in the last twenty-four hours -- but there are some chinks in the plan. Turns out that Maxine's property is like half an acre, and the suicide next door makes buying Beulah's mortgage super cheap, so poor Tommy will only end up with like six grand. He's sad, because he was thinking more like twenty thousand, but even offering to let the guy fuck him doesn't seem to help much.

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True Blood




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