Gay kid staring at his parents: Who are these people? And what the hell is this music? I feel like I'm trapped in some hillbilly's OxyContin nightmare. I cannot wait to get the hell out of this podunk town. Sookie loses composure with this little space dog transmission from the Flying Dutchman and nods at him sharply: "Make sure you do, and before it's too late, because every year you wait, you just get more and more stuck here. Believe me, I know." Gay kid predictably freaks and wonders if she can hear his thoughts -- just in case we were confused -- and she fidgets and runs off to get them ketchup. The voices close in, and finally get so loud that she must stop, in the middle of the floor, and breathe, quiet them, and continue on. If Sookie Stackhouse doesn't do at least three very dramatic/off-kilter things in the middle of Merlotte's each episode, how will people remember to think she's retarded?

At the Super Sav-A-Bunch, her best friend Tara is sitting in a picnic display fold-up chair, reading Shock Doctrine and swinging her legs. Without looking up, she welcomes her visitor to the store, and goes back to her book. The visitor in question is a giant lady like in Harry Potter whose knees are where your head probably is when standing erect, and -- like Dexter -- what she wants most is some of "that thick, translucent plastic sheeting, the kind they hang in front of the doors of walk-in refrigerators." Without looking up, Tara notifies her that they don't sell that at the SSAB, and to try Home Depot. Which, of course, is what happened to the woman only backwards, and she's getting frustrated. "Awww," is Tara's hilariously not-unsympathetic response, but she still doesn't look up. "Now, I cannot believe you don't have that stuff. I don't even know what it's called... You're supposed to have everything!"

(And frankly, I'm kind of on Tara's side in this one particular instance, because: the conversation is over. "Do you have this?" No I do not. Thank you for asking. What's left to talk about? "But I thought you would have this." And yet I do not. "But I wanted you to have this." I love you so much that I also wish that we had it, but no. "But my plan was that you had it." And now we see that your plan has gone awry. What in the fuck do you actually want from me? "For you to go back in time in your time machine and have the thing that I want." Okay, since time machines do not exist, what would be the second thing, on the list of all the things I can do for you at this time?)