True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 6 USERS: A-
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Say Hello To The Rest Of Us

At the Super Sav-A-Bunch, her best friend Tara is sitting in a picnic display fold-up chair, reading Shock Doctrine and swinging her legs. Without looking up, she welcomes her visitor to the store, and goes back to her book. The visitor in question is a giant lady like in Harry Potter whose knees are where your head probably is when standing erect, and -- like Dexter -- what she wants most is some of "that thick, translucent plastic sheeting, the kind they hang in front of the doors of walk-in refrigerators." Without looking up, Tara notifies her that they don't sell that at the SSAB, and to try Home Depot. Which, of course, is what happened to the woman only backwards, and she's getting frustrated. "Awww," is Tara's hilariously not-unsympathetic response, but she still doesn't look up. "Now, I cannot believe you don't have that stuff. I don't even know what it's called... You're supposed to have everything!"

(And frankly, I'm kind of on Tara's side in this one particular instance, because: the conversation is over. "Do you have this?" No I do not. Thank you for asking. What's left to talk about? "But I thought you would have this." And yet I do not. "But I wanted you to have this." I love you so much that I also wish that we had it, but no. "But my plan was that you had it." And now we see that your plan has gone awry. What in the fuck do you actually want from me? "For you to go back in time in your time machine and have the thing that I want." Okay, since time machines do not exist, what would be the second thing, on the list of all the things I can do for you at this time?)

"Well, we don't have that stuff that you don't even know what it's called," Tara says, for the umpteenth time, because that's all there is to say, because the woman needs to stop. "Your website says that this is the most well-stocked store in five parishes. Now, I just drove over an hour from Marthaville..." Tara finally stands up, because the lady is not going to stop. This is not like the greatest customer service in the world, but on the other hand, what are you supposed to do? Cry with the lady about the unnamed plastic stuff? Because the lady's not going to cry, she's just going to keep asking if you have it until she gets the answer that she wants, which is the opposite of reality, because that's what this lady is all about. And plus, having seen Prior Tara in the original pilot, this Tara is like one thousand times easier to take anyway. I don't approve of the shit that she does, but of the conservatively ... ten? ... asshole things she does in this episode, I'm pretty much with her on this one. And the next one. "Does our website have a phone number?" Giant Lady supposes that yes, it does. "So it never occurred to you, before you drove an hour, to pick up the phone and call us, to see if we stocked whatever the hell it is that you're looking for?"

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True Blood

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