True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 5 USERS: B+
Say Hello To The Rest Of Us

"Listen," Arlene tells Lafayette seriously, "Not everybody is gay, okay? Not everybody wants to have sex with you." But Lafayette knows the shadow, it's where he lives, and all he will say -- making mystic signs in the air with his hands -- is that she'd be surprised, and that includes people she knows. Dawn and Arlene agree that certainly they don't want to have sex with Lafayette, and he puts on an elaborate show of fucking the grill with his six-gear hips. Dawn slaps her ass as she's walking away, teasing him; Arlene cups and massages her breasts. He answers her "peaches & cream" with a "little cocoa" of his own, they all sing along, they all dance and laugh along, Big John's still laughing at Lafayette's antics, and this is how they get along. This is how they acknowledge and transcend, because they're grownups; Lafayette radicalizes gender because he has to, which radicalizes sexuality for everybody, and this is the dance they all do. Except Sookie: Sookie flees.

But sexuality doesn't automatically make you a grownup, and involving yourself with the pussy even on a regular basis doesn't mean you're not afraid of what it means: it just means you're putting it outside yourself, where you can look at it. Most of the reason high school is hell is because of this: your body going crazy at the same rate you start being interested in the mystery and the terror of pussy, which is why teenage boys are gross and constantly trying to get a look at it or taste it or stick their fingers in it, and why girls get eating disorders. "Okay, you've sufficiently investigated our vaginas to your satisfaction and have the map to the thing, the scary place, the undiscovered country. You've solved the mystery. Now how about you say hello to the rest of us?"

Maudette Pickens is watching some douchetard on Blind Date, who says he's got "a little bit of an edge" and gets in fights all the time, whilst looking like the last fight he had was with a Level 12 Half-Orc or something, and Maudette finally comes. Sookie's brother, hottie Jason Stackhouse, appears between her thighs, and they kiss. He notices a tiny pair of marks, little kisses on her thigh, and gets scared. "What the fuck is this?" Maudette's embarrassed, scratching at her marks, pretending they're mosquito bites. Soon enough she gives in, and admits she fucked a vampire once. "I went to that vampire bar, down in Shreveport. Look. I was broke and he paid me a lot of money." Jason rises, and sits on the ottoman: "You a hooker, Maudette? Because I don't pay for it. Never have, never will." She smiles, a little afraid he's turned off, but loving the creepy mystery of it all. "I don't charge for it, neither. He offered me a thousand dollars to bite me. What was I gonna do, say no to a thousand bucks?" Jason, hypnotized and disgusted and intrigued, asks what it was like, and for a second she's back there. She shivers and deals with it, and admits that it was scary. (Which: very scary. Although not quite as scary in the final edit, because let me tell you the original scariness gave me the screamin' meemies.)

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True Blood




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