Luckily, Sookie's telepathic powers now seem to include being the Smoke Monster, so she handily beats up the Rattrays again, but not before they injure her substantially enough that she's required to slurp a whole big mess of Bill's blood, turning her into yet another kind of giant superhero -- though not a vampire -- for the remainder of the day. Not bad for a first date, even one that includes your date licking blood out of your head wound. She tells him, in a funny memory montage, about how she could never date because all men are gross inside their hearts while Bill is gross right in front of you, and remembers how traumatic her gifts were for her parents. (Before they died, which was probably slightly more traumatic for them.)

Jason sits in the police station for twelve hours before they finally show him video that seems to exonerate him -- turns out he really did think he'd murdered Maudette after all. The video of their creepy sex involves him choking her to fake-death and leaving in a panic, and then her laughing her butt off at his dumbness. However, since the apartment was scrubbed of all other dirty videos means he's still under suspicion, and he has more ridiculously hot sex with Dawn in order to take the edge off. She leaves him the next morning tied to her bed, as a little joke. I hope that doesn't have dire consequences!

Lafayette takes (his cousin!) Tara to a party, where she makes it clear she's an equal-opportunity asshole by scaring off a would-be suitor in a hilarious -- and mindblowingly Tara -- manner. Sookie learns more about the plight of Undead Americans from her TV, and the hateful Reverend who leads the anti-vampire coalition of religious nuts is found murdered by, presumably, a secret vampire cabal. Also murdered? The Rattrays, apparently by a tornado which Sookie knows is secretly named Bill. After smarting off at the local cops on the scene, she politely asks Bill not to kill anybody else.

Sam dares Sookie to look inside his brains at all his love thoughts, naively assuming she hasn't been aware of it the whole time, but there's a pretty much giant neon clue pointing to his true nature that you'd have to be blind -- or Sookie -- to ignore. In other romantic news not involving Bill, Tara gets this close to nailing Jason, doesn't quite seal the deal, and then laughs at herself in a charming and disarming fashion. Sexy Rene beats crap out of some jerks at the bar to defend her honor, but an overheard thought -- Arlene has gotten knocked up by him -- causes her to embrace Arlene and be brutally rebuffed. Lafayette continues to rule the entire world simply by standing there and saying normal things in a fabulous way.

Adele spends the whole day cleaning the house for Bill's first home visit, which goes weirdly thanks to Tara and Jason treating him like shit. Sookie apologizes by acting as a go-between for his home renovation needs, since most carpenters, electricians and the like don't work on the vampire schedule. She shows up at his house the next night with contact info, sweetly enough, and is surprised by two visiting vamps: one very hot and scary, the other ridiculous and goateed.

Final score: I love Sam and Jason unreservedly, and Tara is Citizen of the Week. Hooray for no more Tara hate! You may just be the Brenda Chenowith after all. Now, if we could just work on those constant Six Feet Under comparisons…