Luckily, Sookie's telepathic powers now seem to include being the Smoke Monster, so she handily beats up the Rattrays again, but not before they injure her substantially enough that she's required to slurp a whole big mess of Bill's blood, turning her into yet another kind of giant superhero -- though not a vampire -- for the remainder of the day. Not bad for a first date, even one that includes your date licking blood out of your head wound. She tells him, in a funny memory montage, about how she could never date because all men are gross inside their hearts while Bill is gross right in front of you, and remembers how traumatic her gifts were for her parents. (Before they died, which was probably slightly more traumatic for them.)
Jason sits in the police station for twelve hours before they finally show him video that seems to exonerate him -- turns out he really did think he'd murdered Maudette after all. The video of their creepy sex involves him choking her to fake-death and leaving in a panic, and then her laughing her butt off at his dumbness. However, since the apartment was scrubbed of all other dirty videos means he's still under suspicion, and he has more ridiculously hot sex with Dawn in order to take the edge off. She leaves him the next morning tied to her bed, as a little joke. I hope that doesn't have dire consequences!
Lafayette takes (his cousin!) Tara to a party, where she makes it clear she's an equal-opportunity asshole by scaring off a would-be suitor in a hilarious -- and mindblowingly Tara -- manner. Sookie learns more about the plight of Undead Americans from her TV, and the hateful Reverend who leads the anti-vampire coalition of religious nuts is found murdered by, presumably, a secret vampire cabal. Also murdered? The Rattrays, apparently by a tornado which Sookie knows is secretly named Bill. After smarting off at the local cops on the scene, she politely asks Bill not to kill anybody else.
Sam dares Sookie to look inside his brains at all his love thoughts, naively assuming she hasn't been aware of it the whole time, but there's a pretty much giant neon clue pointing to his true nature that you'd have to be blind -- or Sookie -- to ignore. In other romantic news not involving Bill, Tara gets this close to nailing Jason, doesn't quite seal the deal, and then laughs at herself in a charming and disarming fashion. Sexy Rene beats crap out of some jerks at the bar to defend her honor, but an overheard thought -- Arlene has gotten knocked up by him -- causes her to embrace Arlene and be brutally rebuffed. Lafayette continues to rule the entire world simply by standing there and saying normal things in a fabulous way.
Adele spends the whole day cleaning the house for Bill's first home visit, which goes weirdly thanks to Tara and Jason treating him like shit. Sookie apologizes by acting as a go-between for his home renovation needs, since most carpenters, electricians and the like don't work on the vampire schedule. She shows up at his house the next night with contact info, sweetly enough, and is surprised by two visiting vamps: one very hot and scary, the other ridiculous and goateed.
Final score: I love Sam and Jason unreservedly, and Tara is Citizen of the Week. Hooray for no more Tara hate! You may just be the Brenda Chenowith after all. Now, if we could just work on those constant Six Feet Under comparisons…
Mack Rattray swings an imaginary chain in a circle over his head like a lasso, while his wife kicks the waitress in the stomach again. "Where's your fuckin' chain now?" He aims and kicks again, and Sookie screams aloud, calling out for God. They kick her together; Denise shakes her head by her ponytail, pushing it into the earth. "Here we go!" calls Mack, kicking her and howling at the moon. Denise laughs, and they kiss like Mickey and Mallory, the original trailer trash meth freaks, addicts indulging violence and sex and nature without rationality or mind, rebels without cause or effect, driven by need. Human.
A familiar dog appears, barking at them in fear and anger, and Mack smiles: "Well. Fuuuuuck you, Fido!" He pulls out a gun, and from somewhere inside Sookie pulls it together. She grasps him by one shin and throws him twenty yards or more, across the clearing. He slides down a tree, weakened but not out. "What the fuck...?" A tornado named Bill comes zooming in from the other side, and stabs him through the gut; Denise calls out to the tornado to show his face, and soon enough Bill's smashing her against trunks and roots and dirt, up and down again and to the side, until she stops fighting. The dog whines, and watches; its hackles raise, its skin goes cold. Sookie lies on the ground broken, blinking in and out, bleeding out, as the tornado's feet come to rest in her line of sight, and hands reach down.
Jason fucks Maudette Pickens on the video he should have known was there; Jason sits in the police station with Bud and Andy, watching Jason fuck Maudette Pickens. Watching Jason and Andy and Bud watch Jason fuck Maudette Pickens. "It's too bad I don't have fangs," he grunts. "Rip your fuckin' throat out. Fuck, yeah! Here it comes," he says, watching himself fuck Maudette Pickens, describing it as it's happening. Telling her what she already knows, as though she's a mirror. She's dirty, and Jason is clean; this is one way he stays clean, by conquering what's dirty. Everything is sex if you look at it right. Everybody knows he could do better than her; anyone could see his hands around her throat. She's a mirror; she's two bites on the thigh. "Are you ready?" He comes and comes and comes, squeezing her throat, hands moving of their own accord, left behind. Jason watches Jason's hands, left behind, like umbrellas in a taxi to the airport. Sometimes things just happen.
"That was intense, huh? Maudette..." Jason watches Jason shake her, hands tied to the ceiling, back arched, eyes open. "What happened?" If he had fangs he could have ripped her throat out. He shakes her, and starts to cry; he puts on his jeans and starts to run. Jason watches Jason run, and Bud and Andy watch Jason start to cry.