"SO AFTER I COULDN'T FIND HIM THEN I HEARD ABOUT THE FOUR BODIES AT THE BURNT-UP HOUSE! YOU CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH! IMAGINE IT! YOU CANNOT! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE! I AM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW THAT I THINK I AM HOLDING YOUR INTEREST! INSTEAD OF FREAKING YOU THE FUCK OUT!"
Rene asks if there were, as reported, three of the troublemaker vamps, who was the fourth body? "TO BE HONEST I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK! BECAUSE IT WAS NOT BILL! BUT I HEARD IT WAS A FANGBANGER! HAVE YOU HEARD OF THOSE BECAUSE BLESS THEIR HEARTS! IT IS SO SAD! IT IS THESE GIRLS WHO HAVE SEX WITH VAMPIRES! SOMETIMES RIGHT THERE IN A GRAVEYARD! THEY ARE DISGUSTING AND PATHETIC! I AM DIFFERENT BECAUSE I AM IN TRUE LOVE! BUT THEY ARE JUST BEING USED! FOR SEX! ALSO BLOOD! ANYWAY I HAVE TO GO TAKE VITAMIN B-12 FOR ALL THE BLOOD I GOT SUCKED OUT OF ME BY A VAMPIRE WHO WAS FUCKING ME REALLY HARD IN A GRAVEYARD, LOL! BYE BYE NOW!"
Rene and Hoyt are like, "Sooooo... There's a downside, I see." But they don't exist anymore. Sookie goes to get the order that nearly fried Terry's brain this time, but somebody's already got it. The "new girl," Terry says, and yeah. It's Amy Burley. She's sort of turning into the Vanessa Abrams on us, isn't she? She drops off like fifteen plates at a billion tables, and lays down some annoying "we got a four-top open" lingo that would be completely different if Arlene or Sookie said it, but I mean, is Texas the South? Because that shit would not fly if Merlotte's were in Texas. "We do not have shit. Stop touching people's food and fooling the PTSD vet that you work here, drop the Obama Hope Police act and sit your organic ass down. You need a beer is what you fucking need." Jason slides up to Sookie all, "You are allowed to still hate me, but I really need you to like this girl, because she's how I get fixed. She told me I was good. I need this to live."
Sookie stares at Amy, relentlessly unfriendly, but one of the very good things about Amy, which this episode kind of demands that I point out as we go, is that she's not pushing through. She knows what she's up against. Arlene just kind of shoves past whatever it is without even seeing it, and Sookie stands up to the tippy-top of her four feet three inches and dares it to fuck with her, but Amy's like, "Yes. I am sort of an asshole. However." Which is actually more nuanced than either of the other two, and is a thing I love about her. Like, she's not confused about how she just way overstepped and made an ass of herself: "Sorry about that. You looked really swamped and the natives were gettin' restless, so...You're Jason's sister, right? It's... I've heard so much about you." She shakes Sookie's hand, but girl's not budging an inch. Arlene, responding to the set of Sookie's back and the outside, scoots in from the side like a skidding cartoon character entering a scene: "Who [the fuck] are you?"