True Blood
The Sun

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 10 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
The Sparks That Light Your Skin Up

Niall: "Sookie, it's more powerful than the sun."

So I guess we're done making sense for the night. Did you "smell me go into survival mode"? Because I did. Well, Niall, it was a good run.

MEANWHILE

An entire scene where Eric is like, "Stop being so racist about vampires!" and the guards are like, "No!" and then he flies into the air because he doesn't feel like going to vampire death camp. All that suspense from the Governor scene, and he just says fuck it and flies away. Do you see what I'm saying? After easily thirty-five minutes of exposition -- already annoying in an episode of people speaking almost entirely in emoji and ellipses -- it's just like, "And then he flew away, okay? What a relief, right?"

He doesn't go far, though. Later on he watches the Governor's daughter take out her magic contact lenses and then appears at her window and glamours her -- her last words, fantastically enough, are "oh shit" -- so now he has the Governor's daughter.

SAM'S HOUSE

Sam: "Lafayette, how is it going raising somebody's child I kidnapped?"
Lala: "I'm watching a competitive cooking show and she is asleep. We are both covered in gay pride stuff."
Sam: "Thanks for doing the thing I don't have the wherewithal to do, that I volunteered myself for."
Lala: "It's okay, I don't deserve my own storyline. Listen, why are you being so paranoid?"
Sam: "I am afraid the real family of this child I kidnapped will come get her."

This happens.

Martha: "Can I please have my granddaughter now?"
Sam: "No, you can't."
Alcide: "Sam, I'm sorry that Luna died! Do you need a hug?"
Sam: "No, I need a fight! Because stop asking about Emma!"

They fight.

VUS, randomly lurking in the bushes: "This is amazing! I love minority-on-minority violence. Instagram that shit! Social justice forever!"

Sam's Point: He doesn't have one. If you think about it, he rarely does. He's super cute, but he's generally wrong about just about everything.

Martha's Point: The government just found out about shifters, so the Feds are going to come put Sam and Emma in weirdo jail. Also, how is any of this shit Sam's problem.

Alcide's Point: By the vaguest most tenuous thread, you can see how 1) Marcus Bozeman's Pack 2) becoming JD Carson's Pack and 3) falling under Russell's old Nazi drug-cult spell 4) led to Emma getting kidnapped once 5) he hooked up with Steve which was offensive in every possible way including this one and then 6) taken to the Compound where 7) stupid Luna and Sam got themselves jailed up and 8) Luna ended up outing herself and then puking her guts up 9) leaving Emma with only most of her family still intact. However, that ignores the fact that Marcus and JD are both super dead and Alcide, who is great, is now Packmaster, so that's just kind of rude at this point to bring up. Alcide didn't join any Nazi wolf cult, Alcide isn't on the V (that we know of), and Alcide is dedicated to making the Pack a good place for everybody including kids.

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True Blood

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