True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A
Someone Else's Apocalypse

Everybody's got a line. This is mine: Bodies are fragile. Yours might have been last week -- hell, it might not be till next week -- but everybody's childhood is a horror story of one kind or another, and Lettie Mae is mine. The apocalypse unfolding is this: you can draw a line from that first neverending dinner at Merlotte's, to the smashcake party, to the yard orgy, to this: one line after the other, getting crossed. First comes the dancing, then comes the fucking, and before you know it you're six degrees from anywhere Kevin Bacon would ever wanna be seen. Then seven, then eight, and on into the dark places. That's where she lives. That's where she's just visiting from.

Somebody in boots gets out of a car and walks slowly toward Godric's nest. That can't be good. But even still, it would be better than Lorena showing up, which is precisely what happens. Her dress is amazing, red as red, but her hair is gathered on her head in that loaf I don't like. She interrupts Sookie's conversation and then refuses to introduce herself, saying only that she "practically made" their mutual friend "what he is today." Bill runs up, angry and scared, and she throws her weight around for awhile about how Sookie is a little kid and stupid and whatever, and finally cuts loose about how they spent the last two nights together in Sookie's hotel room. Sookie's eyes basically cross at this information. Then Lorena gives an awesome little speech: "Did you know your boyfriend hit me over the head with a 52-inch plasma television earlier tonight? Everyone says they're so thin and light, but let me tell you, when wielded properly, it's quite a weapon."

Sookie is startled by this information, and Bill tries to get her to leave, but she points out that if Bill pulled the same shit with Sookie she'd probably die: "There's no excuse for domestic violence..." she grins, linking back both to the last scene and to their history together. Bill finally explains that she was holding him prisoner, but Lorena plays this off. She gets all flirty, reaching out for his arm and talking about how "old lovers" can sometimes get heated, and Sookie finally grabs her arm, telling her to lay off. Stan is, of course, overjoyed, but Jason's worried that Sookie is biting off more than she can chew here, so to speak. Lorena acts condescending, and tells her she can't win, and Sookie realizes that means she just did.

"Bill chose me. And yet you still won't give up. Don't you have any shame?" That's hardcore and awesome enough that Bill actually shrieks in fear, and Lorena tells her to get lost, coming around to him and talking about how they still love each other. "YOU'VE GONE MAD!" he screams, and Sookie gets all up in her grill. "Maybe you do love him. Who am I to guess? But he doesn't love you. He never has. And that, we both know." Only the classiness of Dallas vampires prohibits a round of applause or OOOOOHs or "No she didn't!" Lorena pops fang, Stan gets all excited, and then after a bit of shit-talking, Sookie screams, "Go find someone else, you fucking bitch! You've lost this one!" Which is awesome on many levels, not the least of which being the fact that she doesn't even know that's exactly what Bill said a second ago to Eric, so Lorena picks her up with like one hand and puts her on the kitchen island and prepares to eat her entire face.

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True Blood




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