True Blood
To Love Is To Bury

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Werewolf Vs. Vampire Vs. Somebody We Forgot To Be

Get a load of Harley, pretty blond waitress at Miss Patty's Pie House or whatever it's called, who has never heard of Poor Dead Cindy but can name many, many pies. I guess Bon Temps is much classier than Bunkie because this girl is obviously the town retard, but it's outwith the realm of possibility that it's because she's psychic, which means our town retard totally trumps theirs. Harley's hilarious in a way I kind of understand -- back to the whole Coen Bros. disconnect again -- but I also like her because she reminds me of Best In Show: "No ma'am, no sir, I don't know any Cindy but I can recommend the fried apple pie, the frozen Hawaiian pie, the chocolate pecan praline pie, the chess pie, the seven-layer Jell-O pie..."

("I used to be able to name every nut that there was. And it used to drive my mother crazy, because she used to say, 'Harlan Pepper, if you don't stop naming nuts,' and the joke was that we lived in Pine Nut, and I think that's what put it in my mind, at that point. So she would hear me in the other room, and she'd just start yelling. I'd say, "Peanut, hazelnut, cashew nut, macadamia nut..." That was the one that would send her into going crazy. She'd say, 'Would you ... stop naming nuts!' And Hubert used to be able to make the sound, he couldn't talk, but he'd go rrrawr rrawr and that sounded like macadamia nut. Pine nut, which is a nut but it's also the name of a town, pistachio nut, red pistachio nut, natural, all natural white pistachio nut...")

Bagger Vance orders them some pies and Harley goes, "Gotcha, Buster!" and jumps to, and he tells Sam and Sookie that Harley is so stupid they named her after a motorcycle, and also he can tell them all about Poor Dead Cindy Marshall, but first he's going to eat some pie, whatever, the facts are that she was a waitress here, and moved into Bunkie two years ago with her brother, and then a couple months after their arrival she was strangled to death, and nobody knows whodunit and nobody knows what happened to the brother: also dead? Possibly the Killer? His name was Drew Marshall. Sookie asks what Cindy was like, and Bagger Vance tells her that Cindy was "Cute as a button, a little wild, fun-loving, always nice to me. But people talked, you know... Vampers. They say she was carrying on with the vampers, I didn't believe it. What kind of woman would do such a thing?" Sookie does the third-coolest thing in the episode at this point, making a the fuck you say face so extreme that Sam can actually see it shining from behind her head at the counter, and puts his hand on her shoulder. And having given them the information they needed, Bagger Vance stands up babbling about pie and wanders into the next movie requiring a random old gossipy black guy, which should be coming along in five, four, three... There ya go.

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True Blood

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