Already working back to flirty and grinning to himself about what this might mean, Lafayette agrees that at least she's acting in character. Jesus admits he's just there to see Lafayette, because he is glamoured by him, and once again that Reynolds darkness rears. Lafayette gets very cold and scary in his face: "Somebody been talking to you? You heard a conversation with my name in it? Because whatever was said, it ain't fucking true. And you best not tell nobody for your own fucking sake, you feel me? Huh?" Because obviously there's a list and "boyfriend" is like four things down, after vampire and drug-related problems, because Lafayette is a survivor and life is suffering and hoping for good things opens the door to bad ones every time. Jesus is like, "Um, I was here to ask you out? It's my day off?" But having been menaced by a giant magical Lafayette, he reconsiders and tries to leave, apologizing for even bothering.
The difference between Lafayette and his cousin is that Lafayette can actually disengage from a bad train, so he softens his voice and admits that he'd love to, he's just working all night. "I would go with you, but, um... I'm going inside now." They stare at each other and it is wonderful, and finally Lafayette peels away from the Most Beautiful Man In All Of TV, who... Comes following after. In fact, he says quietly, he would like to just hang out at Merlotte's for nine hours, since it's his day off. That is so adorable that even Lafayette is caught wrong-footed and, unable to find a thing wrong with that plan, sort of awkwardly heads back to work, passing trembling Jesus by mere centimeters and thereby giving Jesus head-to-toe shivers. (It's like Hoyt and Jessica in that on the one hand, it is so wonderful! But on the other hand, you have to know that it will end in blood and tears and somebody's mom being a racist zombie.)
At their secret meeting on a closed road, Colonel Flood tells Sookie and Alcide he's not interested in dealing with the Fuck You Crew, not by a longshot, and in fact is so disinterested in this that he can barely find time to bitch about Sookie's presence (now, and at Lou Pine's) beyond pointing out that Alcide will have to be disciplined at some point. (Man, you do not want to know what goes into pack punishment. They are neither a shame nor a guilt culture, let's put it that way.) The plan is, don't do anything, hide until Russell's mean pack goes away. (Which again: How does that happen if Russell is the King of Mississippi? Where did the FUC come from? Where were they before two years ago? Which is also when the Great Revelation happened, and is that important? So many questions.)
Flood also knows that Russell is the King, which is new info for Sookie and Alcide, and that the FUC is recruiting people away from their own pack. "Edgington is ancient. He's had a pack of Weres serving him for centuries all over the world. Now he's on our doorstep. We gonna be smart. Let him do what he wants to do until he goes away." Alcide says this makes Russell an important part of their history, and something they should have known about, and also sort of impulsively says it would be better for them to become extinct than be enslaved by "a dead man." Well, on the other hand he seems to only be going after the trashiest of them, so maybe it's okay. It's also sand on a beach, considering how generally gross they all seem to be.
Sookie plucks from Flood's head that he is terrified and wants to split town altogether, but first Flood lays down some powerful packmaster mojo: "Don't question your packmaster, boy... Alcide, obey." Pointing out that Flood is actually terrified and can't help them is something that Sookie decides to do before he drives away, pissing Flood off further, but Alcide makes sure to let Sookie know that he trusts her implicitly, and if she read that Flood was paralyzed with fear, that's good enough for him.
Jason's special assignment? Washing his cop car, which Jason seems to think is pointless/insulting, but from where I'm sitting seems like a great use of Jason's best attributes. It's always important to give people the job that suits them best, that's just Management 101.
Half-naked and wet, Jason sees Crystal drive by in her Juniper Creek pickup truck with the week's Hotshot provisions, and they have electric eyeball sex, so of course he jumps in the car, shirtless, and follows her for awhile before she pulls over. (This is accompanied by some very embarrassing Bo & Luke Duke music so you know it's a backwoods romance.) They're a flirtatious couple of hotties for a bit, with her clearly understanding that Jason is in no way a cop, and him clearly thinking that his clever disguise of sunglasses and garbled cop-talk will intimidate her into handing over her license and registration -- "Are you resisting me? Because if you are please observe the official police vehicle where I came out of" -- and both of them clearly understanding that none of this is actually happening and in fact they are just going to make out sometime soon.
Jason is about as charming as he's ever been, and it's pretty beautiful, and then they talk about the other night when he saw her crying in the forest outside the family meth factory, and she lets herself fantasize for a second before remembering her responsibilities, and drives away: He can't call her because she doesn't have a phone, and he can have her first name but nothing more, and he chases the truck as it drives away, begging her to meet him that night at Merlotte's. She's pretty sure she isn't, Jason has the optimism of the slow, but I'm thinking there's no way she won't. You don't back down from Jason Stackhouse looking at you like that, no matter how inbred you are.
Jesus nurses a beer and stares at Lafayette, while Jessica and Tommy discuss his first night on the job, which in this case seems to be carrying around the same stuff that Terry's always carrying around. Jessica's friendly and easy with him, because he's a kid like her and the boss's brother and because neither of them are orphans but sort of they both are. Arlene fakes being a person with Jessica for about five seconds, finding time to bitch once again about how there's only one waitress in the place, and Jessica finally asks why Arlene won't ever look her in the eye. "Because I have no desire to be hypnotized, which is apparently what you walking dead people like to do!" The next couple through the doors, of course, is immediately glamoured to stiff Arlene on the tip, after a cute line of dialogue -- "I have a very romantic red vinyl booth for the two of you right over there!" -- that shows how comfortable Jessica already is in the Merlotte's environment.
For a show filmed on location, it's funny to see how place-centered it is, but I guess that comes with the subject matter. Sookie's house is always at issue -- who lives there, who gets invited in, who dies there -- and Bill's house is full of secrets, but to anchor the Bon Temps part of this season I think it's really smart to put all the remaining characters into a Merlotte's context. In the space of an episode, Jessica and Tommy and Jesus have taken up residence there, which means the only other person still in Louisiana is Jason, who is not usually linked to a location anyway, and basically has spent this season bouncing between wherever Andy is and Hotshot itself.
Hoyt comes in with his date Summer -- who is played by the wonderful Melissa Rauch, from Best Week Ever and Big Bang Theory, and whose brother I am like totally obsessed with -- whose dad is in AA and whose mom got fat and who wants nothing more than babies, babies, babies, although she's willing to wait a couple years, and who makes a mean tuna casserole. Not that Hoyt is listening -- or else he'd jump away and make the sign of the cross at her, because hello Maxine 2.0 -- because he and Jessica can't stop staring at each other, but Summer -- who'll be with us for the remainder of the season, so settle down -- is unaware.
Less unaware is Tommy, who can tell Jessica's having herself a moment, and laughs when he sees why: "Him? For real? He looks like he got bombed by radiation on his way to middle school! That's a giant sixth-grade boy right there!" When you say it like that, his hotness becomes problematic. Not that you are, strictly speaking, wrong. "Come on. He's Little League, you're a smoking-hot vampire. You're the majors!" Jessica's touched and flirty, and maybe thinking rebound. Which is all very star-crossed, because think about it: The only reason Summer's even there is because Hoyt saw Jessica glamouring Chip last week. So now Jessica will have no choice but to date Tommy, which I'm sure will get horrible somehow, and Summer is now on her way to becoming an actual issue -- boys who can't be with their true love tending to marry their moms, while still finding it hard to understand