King Bill! Faerie vacation! Marnie sux! Amnesia sex in Narnia! Jessica and Jason! Debbie falls off the crackwagon! Scott Foley! Russell Edgington returns! Glowing ghosts everywhere! Nan Flanagan dismissed! Jesus stabbed! Steve Newlin vamps out! Tara and Debbie, shot in a kitchen!
As Eric hilariously vamp-zooms around cleaning up the remains of Nan Flanagan, Bill leaves Jess a voicemail about how -- between killing the Darth Vader of the Authority and being broken up with by Sookie -- they're going on a little holiday together.
Daddy Bill: "Jessica, please do not throw lame Rock Band parties in my castle. Anything else you require will be provided, but you know not the finer points of revelry. I believe you to have inherited mah penchant for being a massive dork."
Lafayette: "Man, I can't sleep because of how I stabbed my boyfriend to death whilst wearing an ugly muumuu. Perhaps some warm milllllaaaagh! What the fuck!"
Sookie: "So yeah. I murdered a werewolf, and most of Tara's cranium is splattered across the walls."
Bill: "You know who Ah miss? Sookie."
Eric: "Fuck Sookie, are you kidding me?"
Bill: "Just keep cleanin'. Ah must mourn, gloomily."
Authority: "You guys are under arrest. Have some silver nets in your face."
Sookie: "Tara, please wake up! Please don't do this to me! I was hoping one day we'd actually have a scene together instead of always just saying that we're these amazingly close friends and never showing it."
Tara's Head: "Bitch, I am not waking up. I don't have any brains. Also, that's not really my fault. I was too busy getting raped and changing my identity and being brainwashed all the time to really make the effort, while you were running around in a nightgown talking about which of your seven hot boyfriends you were pissed at that week and asking everyone on the show to murder you at every opportunity."
Pam: "Eric, we need to tallllagh! What the fuck happened here? This is awesome."
Sookie: "Pam, don't look at me like you finally respect me. This is a no bueno situation."
Pam: "Considering I spent most of last season trying to kill Tara, I don't see how that could be true. Anyway, I need to talk to Eric. Instead of you. If you see him, tell him sorry for whatever I did last year that Jacob can't even remember. Something about my fucked up face or wanting a baby or something."
Lafayette: "Or, you could do us a really insane favor that will piss Tara off more than any other possible thing."
Sookie: "Right. Or you could do me a favor."
Pam: "There's no reason for me to do that, considering I hate both of you at this point, but since this show is basically people bending over backwards to do you favors, please continue."