Alcide: "Sookie, I just came by to be gorgeous and offer you any assistance I can."
Sookie: "God damn it. Just what I need, more friendship and support."
Alcide: "Your kitchen smells to my werewolf senses as though you committed a murder and then cleaned it all up."
Sookie: "No, I've just developed yet another mental illness."
Alcide: "Okay well, I just dropped by to say that all of your boyfriends including me lied to you a couple years ago about killing Russell Edgington."
Sookie: "Go on."
Alcide: "Uh, we did not kill Russell Edgington."
Sookie: "If you're implying I'm in some kind of danger, I really hope you don't expect me to give a fuck about that. That's like Sookie 101."
Sookie: "Do you like what I've done with the cabinetry? Please do look away for a moment, because I just found your girlfriend's bloody tooth beside my Frigidaire."
Alcide: "...Okay, well, back to Russell Edgington, though, he got out of parking lot jail and is probably going to come over here in a minute and drink your sunshine blood or whatever."
Sookie: "If it were possible for me to act any more petulant regarding Bill and Eric, please do trust that I would."
Jason: "I feel bad about how I keep fucking Hoyt's girlfriend. Maybe I should have yet another discussion with him about it."
Andy: "Maybe you should."
Jason: "Then again, maybe I won't."
Judge Clements: "Andy, can I have a stereotypically corrupt conversation with you?"
Sherriff Andy: "It is the south, after all."
Also, this happens:
Judge Clements: "I don't know why, but you tickle my hang-lows, Bellefleur."
Andy: "I don't know why either!"
My hang-lows were tickled, in turn, by that. Since that's apparently a thing that people say.
Hoyt: "Ya dang girlfriend fucker. How's it going, girlfriend fucker?"
Construction Buddies: Giggle, as though that's a huge burn on Jason.
Jason: "I'm not sure you understand how name-calling works."
Hoyt: "I've never been in a position to bully before. I will grant you I am still working out the kinks. The important thing is that I dumped my girlfriend in a really gross, shameful, abusive way, and then whatever happened next was none of my damn business."