True Blood
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Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | 17 USERS: B+
I Love You Jason Stackhouse

Lafayette: "Why did you almost tell him that you killed his girlfriend? We are going to end up in jail for all those crimes we didn't commit and wouldn't be accused of."
Sookie: "I guess I'm just stupid. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get some more Tru Blood for the other terrible decision we made today."
Lafayette: "Come moonrise that lawn is going to be just a garden of blooming assholes. It's going to be like at the beginning of Wizard Of Oz where the flowers turn into midgets -- only instead of midgets, it's going to be bitches."


Sam: "Oh, stop torturing me! Please, I can't stand it when you strip me naked and tie me up and chain me to things and beat me with your werewolf implements!"
Weres: "I feel like this is going a different way from how we thought."
Sam: "Mr. Big Bad Wolf, you're so strong and I am so helpless! What are you gonna do to me next?"

Patty the Daytime Hooker -- who was also in that movie with Katniss that I never saw, because movies about poor people being mean to each other are even more off-putting than movies where poor people learn to play music and that's somehow political, because movies about poor people are generally made by rich people -- shows up. She is not what Sam had in mind, I wager.

Martha: "I'm the Pack Regent right now, until we solve my son's disappearance. You know, just like how real wolves in nature are super into the parliamentary system."
Sam: "Well, I don't know where your son is, or who killed him, except that it was me."


Eric and Nora do it all the different ways. They are real good sex people. They like to talk about how they're brother and sister while they fuck each other. It's pretty dumb. His phone starts ringing and she yells at him for having a phone, and he swoops in and gives her a peck on the forehead before answering it that is a reminder of what is good about this show.

Bill: "Ah must join with your sisterly sex partner in believing that the first thing of which you should have rid yourself is that telephone device."
Eric: "Both of you quit bitching at me! I have a magically untraceable cell phone."
Bill: "Really because how does that work? It uses cell phone towers other than the cell phone towers that exist?"
Eric: "Probably it routes through a dummy line or something like that, but in an encrypted untraceable... Look, the only reason this cell phone is here is so I can say the line I'm going to say in a minute, and also get the Edgington news from Alcide right now."

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True Blood




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