Scott Foley: "Was this by any chance because of a mysterious housefire?"
Terry: "...More lunatic faces, Scott Foley?"
Scott Foley: "Don't mind if I do, thanks."
Sookie Stackhouse was left out of all the reindeer games as a child, you see, because of her obnoxious personality. But then somebody showed up with an even worse personality, which made her feel better about herself... And then when she found out that her violent buddy's mother was a monstrous abusive addict, she knew: She'd be friends with Tara for the rest of her life. Unless she met a person in a wheelchair, or with like half a face.
Alcide: "Sookie, I just came by to be gorgeous and offer you any assistance I can."
Sookie: "God damn it. Just what I need, more friendship and support."
Alcide: "Your kitchen smells to my werewolf senses as though you committed a murder and then cleaned it all up."
Sookie: "No, I've just developed yet another mental illness."
Alcide: "Okay well, I just dropped by to say that all of your boyfriends including me lied to you a couple years ago about killing Russell Edgington."
Sookie: "Go on."
Alcide: "Uh, we did not kill Russell Edgington."
Sookie: "If you're implying I'm in some kind of danger, I really hope you don't expect me to give a fuck about that. That's like Sookie 101."
Sookie: "Do you like what I've done with the cabinetry? Please do look away for a moment, because I just found your girlfriend's bloody tooth beside my Frigidaire."
Alcide: "...Okay, well, back to Russell Edgington, though, he got out of parking lot jail and is probably going to come over here in a minute and drink your sunshine blood or whatever."
Sookie: "If it were possible for me to act any more petulant regarding Bill and Eric, please do trust that I would."
Jason: "I feel bad about how I keep fucking Hoyt's girlfriend. Maybe I should have yet another discussion with him about it."
Andy: "Maybe you should."
Jason: "Then again, maybe I won't."
Judge Clements: "Andy, can I have a stereotypically corrupt conversation with you?"
Sherriff Andy: "It is the south, after all."
Also, this happens:
Judge Clements: "I don't know why, but you tickle my hang-lows, Bellefleur."