Salome: "Anyway, let's keep talking about him."
Eric, verbatim: "Are you lonely? Is this how you make friends?"
Salome: "Did you know I sponsored Nora's Chancellorship?"
Eric: "So I guess her being a Sanguinista makes you look bad."
Salome: "Not to mention the mounting evidence that I'm playing Chris Meloni. Want to fuck?"

BARB & NORA

Chancellor Barb, verbatim: "You killed Hayes, and conspired with known Sanguinistas to aid in Compton and Northman's escape. As we say in Texas, honey, if you find yourself in a hole the first thing you do is stop digging."
Nora, verbatim: "And as we say in Surrey, sod the fuck off you cunting twat!"
Chancellor Barb: "I think you're in love with either Bill or Eric. Or both. Let's test that theory by killing them with this app on my iPhone..."
Nora: "Hold up! I confess! I believe vampires were made in God's image! I believe that mainstreaming is an abomination! And I believe that Lilith will rise from the Blood and rip your blasphemous fucking heads off and dance in your muck!"

So I was very wrong about Nora, I guess is what you're saying. That's pretty awesome. They sold her so hard in that first episode I thought I was smarter than the show, and there's nothing I like more than being wrong about things like that. Well done. Well done, Nora. I'm sorry I wasted all our time together calling you a Mary Sue. Tell Godric hey.

JASON

Jessica, still vibrating: "Shit just got crazy!"
Jason: "Me too. It was gross."
Jessica: "There was this guy, and I could smell his blood -- I'm sorry, I know that grosses you out -- but it smelled like cotton candy and fresh baked bread and fucking sex! The most delicious thing I've ever smelled in my life!"
Jason: "I don't understand why you're telling me this."
Jessica: "Because you maybe smell that way a little bit, so now I want to fuck!"
Jason: "That's remarkably unlucky. I just swore off sex."
Jessica: "Okay, then let's just hang out. I'm willing to let your entire gross two-year sex storyline be about us not consummating our relationship anymore."
Jason: "Still, I am conflicted about that. I'm not sure I know how to be friends with girls."
Jessica: "Then let me do the heavy lifting for a while, and you can just chill."
Jason: "You really are the best person on this entire show, aren't you?"