Sookie: "So okay, I killed Debbie. She shot Tara, and I just kind of blew her head off."
Alcide: "Thanks for telling me. I'm going to need a minute to chill out."
Sookie: "Okay, because I really need you to tell me everything is fine."
Alcide: "I am still a werewolf, Stackhouse. You gotta make allowances."
Sookie: "I mean, just let me off the hook and we can just be cool."
Alcide: "Okay. I'm going to go now."
Sookie: "I mean, she was kind of a bitch."
Alcide: "Sookie, good Lord! I'm going to eat your face off here. Okay, just... I'll call you tomorrow."
Sookie: "Cool, as long as you tell me we're all good."
Alcide: "I probably fucking will, too."

CURL UP & FRY

Tara heads to the first tanning salon she can find, and straps herself in for a good old-fashioned UV rotisserie. As usual, big ups to Rutina Wesley for actually selling this entire episode. She's so dignified and real, even when she's being ridiculous. Even when she's being super silly like this. Or, for another viewpoint:

Maker Pam, doing the Fangtasia! books: "...You stupid bitch."

NEXT WEEK

The faerie influx heralded by Claude's arrival begins, with some surprising castmembers involved; Terry and Patrick find their scary buddy and get to the bottom of things; everybody is absolutely shitty to Sookie. And remember the math: Episode 4 is always when everything flips over. So whatever you're bored by now, don't worry about it. Whole new show coming up.

JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Bunheads, Pretty Little Liars and True Blood for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, and novelette "The Commonplace Book" will appear on Tor.com in October 2012.