Lafayette, verbatim: "He put my cousin in the fucking freezer?"
Sookie: "Focus. She's dead, she's not going to get hypothermia. Anyway, just keep people out of the freezer."
Lafayette: "This could end badly."
Sookie: "Unlike everything else that happens on this show, I think we will not fuck this up."

SF 1905

Eric: "Can we talk?"
Pamela: "About my ladies? Also, words like chink, because we're old-timey racists at this whorehouse."
Eric: "No, I'm here to talk to you."
Pamela: "I'm not a regular hooker, I'm a madam. Wait, does this have to do with how vampires keep eating my prostitutes?"

UPSTAIRS

Hooker upstairs: "I am just a blood bag. My life is meaningless."
Lorena: "Good little whore. Now say Drain me, Daddy. Drain me till I'm dead."
Hooker: "Drain me Daddy. Drain me till I'm dead..."
Pamela: "You guys better cut this psycho kink shit out. Right now! It's not even original, it's just gross."
Eric: "Seriously, you guys are so dorky. It's like you are trying to get off by thinking of the weirdest shit you can. Sex isn't something you do to impress people."

Vampire fight!

Lorena: "I got raped so I'm weird, remember?"
Bill: "And Ah don't know what the hell is ever going on."
Eric: "Lorena, your progeny is ludicrous. Now get out of here."
Pamela: "Also, give me some money!"
A Deferential Lorena: "Okay, sorry. We're just dorks."
Sassy Bill: "Ah'm not sorry! Ah just need a dumb reason to be mad at you in a hundred years. But for being a dork, Ah will never apologize."

Pamela: "Thanks for chasing off those other vampires, vampire. Now, about that sex you said we were going to have."