Lafayette, verbatim: "He put my cousin in the fucking freezer?"
Sookie: "Focus. She's dead, she's not going to get hypothermia. Anyway, just keep people out of the freezer."
Lafayette: "This could end badly."
Sookie: "Unlike everything else that happens on this show, I think we will not fuck this up."
Eric: "Can we talk?"
Pamela: "About my ladies? Also, words like chink, because we're old-timey racists at this whorehouse."
Eric: "No, I'm here to talk to you."
Pamela: "I'm not a regular hooker, I'm a madam. Wait, does this have to do with how vampires keep eating my prostitutes?"
Hooker upstairs: "I am just a blood bag. My life is meaningless."
Lorena: "Good little whore. Now say Drain me, Daddy. Drain me till I'm dead."
Hooker: "Drain me Daddy. Drain me till I'm dead..."
Pamela: "You guys better cut this psycho kink shit out. Right now! It's not even original, it's just gross."
Eric: "Seriously, you guys are so dorky. It's like you are trying to get off by thinking of the weirdest shit you can. Sex isn't something you do to impress people."
Lorena: "I got raped so I'm weird, remember?"
Bill: "And Ah don't know what the hell is ever going on."
Eric: "Lorena, your progeny is ludicrous. Now get out of here."
Pamela: "Also, give me some money!"
A Deferential Lorena: "Okay, sorry. We're just dorks."
Sassy Bill: "Ah'm not sorry! Ah just need a dumb reason to be mad at you in a hundred years. But for being a dork, Ah will never apologize."
Pamela: "Thanks for chasing off those other vampires, vampire. Now, about that sex you said we were going to have."