True Blood
Whatever I Am, You Made Me

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: B+
That Darn Salome!

Chancellor Barb: "I think you're in love with either Bill or Eric. Or both. Let's test that theory by killing them with this app on my iPhone..."
Nora: "Hold up! I confess! I believe vampires were made in God's image! I believe that mainstreaming is an abomination! And I believe that Lilith will rise from the Blood and rip your blasphemous fucking heads off and dance in your muck!"

So I was very wrong about Nora, I guess is what you're saying. That's pretty awesome. They sold her so hard in that first episode I thought I was smarter than the show, and there's nothing I like more than being wrong about things like that. Well done. Well done, Nora. I'm sorry I wasted all our time together calling you a Mary Sue. Tell Godric hey.


Jessica, still vibrating: "Shit just got crazy!"
Jason: "Me too. It was gross."
Jessica: "There was this guy, and I could smell his blood -- I'm sorry, I know that grosses you out -- but it smelled like cotton candy and fresh baked bread and fucking sex! The most delicious thing I've ever smelled in my life!"
Jason: "I don't understand why you're telling me this."
Jessica: "Because you maybe smell that way a little bit, so now I want to fuck!"
Jason: "That's remarkably unlucky. I just swore off sex."
Jessica: "Okay, then let's just hang out. I'm willing to let your entire gross two-year sex storyline be about us not consummating our relationship anymore."
Jason: "Still, I am conflicted about that. I'm not sure I know how to be friends with girls."
Jessica: "Then let me do the heavy lifting for a while, and you can just chill."
Jason: "You really are the best person on this entire show, aren't you?"


Arlene: "Hello, is anybody in here?"
Tara: "Just me, eating your horrible ass so we never have to deal with you again!"


Lafayette: "Hooker, drink this Tru Blood. Also, good morning."
Tara: "I don't want your Tru Blood! I am still very mad at you!"

Alcide: "Sookie, it seems more and more like you killed Debbie Pelt."
Sookie: "Then I am going to act petulant!"

The whole Tara thing crashes into the other things that are going on, and now everybody is at the Crazy Tara party, like usual. Arlene hides behind Alcide while Tara's going nuts, Sookie grins wildly as usual, and mostly everybody is just happy to learn that Tara is not really fucktarded after all.

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True Blood




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