True Blood
Whatever I Am, You Made Me

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: B+
That Darn Salome!


Sookie: "Where else can we look? Merlotte's? Lettie Mae's?"
Lafayette: "Merlotte's is closed [So?] and if she went to her mom's, that bitch is 100 percent dead already. And anyway, what's to be said? Sorry I turned your daughter into a vampire that might also be brain damaged, but hopefully you'll think twice before abusing her like usual."
Sookie: "I predict that by next episode, everybody will know what we did to Tara, and I will be getting shit on like it's Season One all over again."
Lafayette: "Also, we still need to be worried for some reason about your self-defense against that drug addict that brought a gun here and killed your best friend. Of all the ludicrous shit on this show, that being the most ludicrous."
Sookie: "Just keep saying it and people will stop questioning how dumb it is. Now, let's impotently worry about Tara going to ground before sunrise."


Tara: "Keep giving me Tru Bloods!"
Sam: "No problem, here they all are. Listen, can I call Sookie or Lafayette? Seems like they'd be worried about you, and I mean, you're not talking to me about whatever shit has gone down already."
Tara: "No. I am quite angry at them. Oh, and now I'm passing out for some reason."
Sam: "Other People's Problems. I am down with them."


Andy: "Good morning, employees!"
Kevin & Rosie: "Good morning, deceptively firm sheriff whose naked ass we've been looking at on the Facebook."
Andy: "Those darn kids with their Facebook!"
Kevin & Rosie: "There's an app for that! It is 2001 right now!"

The Pelts: "Andy, do you want a storyline that is about something other than your hot naked ass, your witch girlfriend, or your faerie one-night-stand, or your drug addiction?"
Andy: "Yes, please."
The Pelts: "Too bad! Now go act shitty to everybody for a while, as a distraction, without ever finding a single clue about our stupid dead daughter."


Jason seduces the teacher that fucked him when he was a child, thereby explaining where his healthy interest in sex came from. Because after the nonsense blowback last year from the male-privileged and sheltered internet about how women raping men is the same exact thing as men raping anybody -- because arguing that men and women are socially and physically interchangeable is the next best thing to reserving your outrage for the real world -- what the show needed to do was double down.

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True Blood




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