True Blood
Who Are You, Really?

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: D | 8 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Nobody Is In Charge & Everything Is On Fire

PACKMASTER ALCIDE

Mr. Herveaux: "You have to eat meat of a person! Maybe this is something that happened last year. Maybe it is Emma's dad?"
Alcide: "That does seem like something that would have happened in the finale, although there were many people who might have killed Emma's dad. He was on Nashville with the same hair and clothes and demeanor but somehow just knowing he wasn't a werewolf made him a lot more attractive on that show."
Wolves: "Eat it! Inherit the flesh!"
Some Lady: "Remember Alcide is high on vampire blood?"
Other Lady: "Over the years it has been many kinds of drugs, but inevitably with werewolves it is meth. Remember Cooter?"

God I miss Cooter. He's on another show now, where he dresses all wild west. It's pretty excellent.

Werewolf Chick: "Do you want a blowjob?"
Alcide: "I guess so, since I'm on drugs anyway."
His Girlfriend: "It's almost like they don't respect you as a woman, when you're a biker bitch. What an enigma. What a social riddle."

What is her name, that werewolf girlfriend that was always on drugs or off drugs. Purvis? Gielgud? Chantilly? Something like that. I won't recognize her with her shirt on. Aretha?

BELLEFLEUR MANSION

Arlene talks Andy through his parenting struggles with his four elf babies and surprisingly enough her advice doesn't stop at, "Marry the first man you meet, even if he is a serial killer or has PTSD so bad his eyes stare in different directions." She has more to say.

Jacob, bored: "You know what, I bet those elf kids are going to age really rapidly. They'll get to Hot Age like all the other faeries at one of two junctions, either at episode 4 or 5 or at the end of the season, and we'll never see them again. It's going to be Andy's storyline for a while, but not forever, and that's how it's going to happen. Elf time."

It's sweet, because Carrie Preston is a genius and a darling, and Andy is always in need of some TLC, but I'm in my mid-thirties and I live in Austin, Texas. I cannot have the Am I going to be a good father conversation with you today, because I already had that conversation six times today, with six different worried young fathers, none of whom are, as it turns out, 100% sure they're up to it. You know what I mean?

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True Blood

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