YUPPIE SHIFTER CAMPFIRE

Yuppie Shifters: "Let's have a contrived conversation about changing into crazy stuff so that Luna can 'open up' about how one time she shifted into her own mother so that we can introduce the Skinwalker myth into this show and then the blonde girl can ask how a Skinwalker is different from a shapeshifter and then we can learn that Luna is half Navajo and, apropos of nothing at all, she will start telling us how a Skinwalker gets their powers from killing another shifter who is also their relative, which Luna can do because her mother died in childbirth, and she can just dump all of this information on our heads like we're reading a Neal Stephenson novel or Wikipedia, while pretending to have feelings about it, and we can all play along and act like it's not totally stupid. Deal?"

Sam: "I hope no sketchy relatives of mine overheard that!"
Tommy: (Goes running off into the night.)
Sam: "I also hope that Luna actually looks like how she looks, and is not looking like a person that looks like Luna but is actually an ugly chick. Or a dude."
Luna: (Is totally a dude! I bet you five dollars.)

Sam gives chase to the mysterious person that is obviously Tommy, who will obviously now be wrestling with whether or not to kill Sam, and gain the ability to turn into people. Although obviously, just like in the myth, even just having that power automatically makes you a terrible person on this show, because the show is not interested in giving you that option, of just turning into another person. That would be suicide, in terms of this show: The unforgivable act of Xing yourself out to escape your past or your face.

The one thing that always gets you kicked in the junk, because it's so dumb and weak and gross. Even having that power would make you a worse person than Rene, even, so I hope nobody gets it -- although you can totally kill their gross mom if you want -- but also I guess that train of thought confirms that Naomi/Toni won't stick. (I hope the gay thing does, though.)

Anyway, spoiler alert! Everybody gets a Native American love interest with dynastic family issues and magic powers! Sookie's will be an Inuit werewalrus! Terry Bellefleur is secretly half-Mayan and turns into a Canadian by the full moon! Naomi is actually a shapeshifting wereasian! Everybody watch out! Watch out for those Skinwalkers!