True Blood
You Smell Like Dinner

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A-
The Lying, The Witch & The Wardrobe


Bill is fucking that lady when Sookie, still feisty about the Eric Situation, heads over to talk to him. When she sees how his mansion has been turned into a castle, her eyes light up just a little bit, and then she remembers that they broke up and she no longer gets to be excited about her boyfriend's house or whatever, and so she pulls it together and keeps stompin'. That goes away when a bunch of dudes with guns show up and surround her.

Dude: "Nobody sees the King unless they're on the manifest!"
Sookie: "The what?"

Bill, inside: "Oh hell."

Dude: "Yes. Your nerdy boyfriend is now the King of Louisiana!"
Sookie: "I cannot wait to figure out a reason to yell at him about this."
Dude: "Stackhouse is allowed inside. Stand down."
Sookie, unnecessarily: "Yeah! Stand down, y'all!"

Bill, having hurriedly dressed: "Oh sorry Sookie, I was just having a normal meeting with this lady, who is on my security detail. Pay no attention to the gaping holes in her neck."
Sookie: "Nice to meet you?"

Season of the Smirk! Dang, Spy Witch.


Jesus: "Let's have an expository conversation about our feelings toward magic and necromancy and cover a bunch of ground we already covered like a million times."
Lafayette: "Good thing we are hot or this conversation would be boring. Hey, let's not bring any more birds to life, okay? This whole show is about the boundary between life and death. The results will not be pretty."
Jesus: "Magic turns out good or bad depending on the people using it. Like, you're the most sweet-hearted drug-dealing cam-whoring prostitute fry cook I've ever met, so all your magic would be nice happy magic."
Lafayette: "Yeah, but only creeps bring dead things back to life with it though, so that's automatically..."
Jesus: "-- Okay, that's enough of that conversation. Let's make out."


Sookie: "Sorry to interrupt and even sorrier that I haven't been home five minutes and I'm already asking you for stuff, but could you get Eric off my case?"
Bill: "Actually I can't."
Sookie: "You're the King! You did all kinds of shit for Sophie-Anne, if you recall."
Bill: "Not really the same thing. Eric's connected. Also, as I'll soon tell the viewers in flashback, my loyalty to the Queen was just a ruse for my conspiracy with Nan Flanagan to overthrow the Monarchy."
Sookie: "Fix it, Bill!"
Bill: "...Fine. I'll see what I can do, but you'd best go stay with a human until this is figured out."
Sookie: "Yeah, right. Like I would ever do anything to safeguard my own welfare."
Bill: "This went just as horribly as I assumed it would. Good night, my dear."
Sookie: "Goodnight, Your Excellency. Hey, why are you King now? Never mind, I hate finding out things about you because they inevitably ruin my ridiculous fantasies."

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True Blood




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