Jessica, on waking: "Oh, Hoyt. Knight in shining plaid. How's your eye? Actually, let me just rub some blood on it or let you drink some blood and then you'll be fine."
Hoyt: "I already get plenty of benefit from living with a vampire, because you are awesome. Besides, I don't need that shit."
Jessica: "Oh, we are going to fight so bad now."
Hoyt: "You know what I'm sayin'. I don't want to drink your blood every time I stub my toe. I've seen people get all kind of messed up off of too much vampire blood."
Jessica: "Actually, I cannot argue with that. Give me your keys."
Hoyt: "Please don't get all..."
Jessica: "I'm not running off, it's fine. I'm going to get you some Advil, because I feel bad about you getting beat up, because of our alternative sexuality relationship, and you won't let me fix it, so this is how I will fix it."
Hoyt: "My face hurts."
Lafayette & Jesus: "Tara! You are in town! And a gay!"
Tara: "What are you guys doing? Are you going to a gay activity? I love those!"
Lafayette: "Um, witch thing. We're doing a Wicca thing. Please don't make fun of me. Are you coming or not?"
Tara: "Oh, yeah. Season of the I Would Not Miss This."
Bill: "So. You bought Sookie's house."
Eric: "Heck yeah I did!"
Bill: "Will you sell it back to her because we are such good friends?"
Eric: "No sir I will not."
Bill: "Will you sell it to me, then?"
Eric: "That's a dumb question. Okay, nice talking to you but I have to go get yelled at by our girlfriend now."
Bill: "Nope, you're going to the Moongoddess Emporium to deal with witches."
Eric: "Pam can handle that. Witches are stupid."
Bill: "They're necromancers, Eric. They brought a bird back from the dead. Ah hope Ah don't have to impress upon you the implications of this."
Eric: "Implications for whom, birdwatchers? Sounds like something you'd be into."
Bill: "No, because necromancers can control the dead. You know who's dead?"
Eric: "Please stop condescending to me. I was in the Inquisition, when necromancer stuff went down."
Bill: "I am not going to inquire further about that at this time, or wonder why it's such a big deal that you pointed it out in such an awkward way. Just fuck them up."