Survivor
True Lies

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admin: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Yor-icky!

Previously on Survivor, everyone knew John was the leader at Rotu. Or at least John thought everyone knew he was the leader, but more likely everyone just knew he was delusional. Rob wanted to "get rid 'a" him, but they nevertheless cut a deal to stay together as Rotwo after the merger. Rotwo won immunity, causing Tammy to gyrate in a way that was not pleasing to Paschal. He did not hold her in contempt of court, however. Then, Gina was voted off by her "family" and headed back to meet up with former family member Hunter. And then Peachy locked them in an attic, and the Moppet was poisoned to death, and Gina danced ballet, and then her terrible grandmother cut off all her beautiful blonde locks, and then they combed each other's hair and bathed and had sweet, sib sex. In the V.C. Andrews version, anyway. Ten remain.

The sun peeks through palm fronds as the members of Maraanu work together. Kathy exclaims in the least convincing voice ever, "Huh! It's the skull of a man!" The skull-like skull lies in the dirt where it was most likely discovered two hours ago, when an unfortunate and now unemployed cameraman was off diddling around and missed the original footage. Paschal proclaims in this reenactment that it is "definitely a skull." They gather around, and Kathy is particularly interested in its eyeballs. Then, one of the female tribe members -- one with lots of matted hair on the back of her hands, incidentally -- pokes at it. Paschal tries to imagine how many centuries the skull has been buried, and then Neleh then gets excited to have found the skull's ribcage. Actually, skulls don't have ribcages, but she's excited to have found the ribcage affiliated with the skull. Paschal says in a Judge Judy-like way, "Do we agree that that's a Paepae?" They do agree, because of the even rock formation and not because Paschal will slap them down if they disagree like Judge Judy would. Kathy explains in a confessional that a Paepae is a Marquesan monument where they had ceremonies; she adds, "And where they even performed cannibalism." Neleh is amazed that "he" was buried inside of a wall, and then Kathy and Paschal diagnose that he suffered a "skull fracture" as the result of a "blunt trauma to the head." I always thought we'd hear those phrases only in relation to Rob's non-veiled threats, so it's a surprise. During this exchange, Neleh adds a new expression to her limited repertoire: her wrinkly nose expresses "ew." Or, "EW." Suddenly, we cut away to a swinging axe, which cleaves the skull. Except it's not the skull at all, but a skull-shaped coconut. It's like the scene in A Christmas Story when the boy who's not Ralphie -- the "Mommy's little piggy" son -- has to go to the bathroom, and just as the toilet seat is raised, we cut to the inside of a pot of a big, shitty-looking chili, so at first we're supposed to think the chili is in the toilet bowl. Except we're not supposed to think it's chili. Anyway, now Kathy carries wood and voice-overs that the previous night's Tribal Council was difficult. She says it was a tough vote; she was happy because the vote went her way, but she still felt bad when Gina left. She doesn't think she can break up the bond between Paschal and Neleh, and thinks she will be voted off if there's another Maraanu Tribal Council.

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