Trust No One

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admin: B- | Grade It Now!

Previously on Survivor: Kimmi got blue crud all over her tongue and looked the other way while Michael was anointed leader of Kucha. Jerri was Ogakor's tortilla-making hero, and orchestrated the voting off of Kel and his beef jerky.

I'm not familiar with the exotic Australian animals. I know kangaroo. I know koala. I even know platypus, but I have no idea what a digeridoo is. Is it like a heffalump, or a weasel? While trying to research what a digeridoo is, I learn that camels, dingos, water buffalo, and rabbits are not indigenous to Australia; brought to the continent by man, they have been "disastrous" to the Australian ecology. In fifty years or so, we'll hear of a new species brought there by man more catastrophic than we can even imagine: the Long Nosed Jerricoot. But I still don't know what a digeridoo is. Oh, I found it -- wait! It's not an animal! It's "a unique wind instrument made from the trunks or branches of trees that have been hollowed out by termites." Boy is my face red.

At Kucha, Michael tells us while beheading a fish that eating is a small step on the way to winning the million. In the tent, he announces to the others that there's more food to be had: apparently, a phantom pig. Jeff doesn't agree that pig-hunting is time well spent, telling the others, "Pig-hunting, since we haven't seen, like, an abundance of 'em, you know, it's like there's one out there, you know what I mean. We just walk around and hope that during the day we run into this big pig the size of a table." Jeff tells us in a confessional that Mike wants to go out four hours a day and look for food because he's hungry, but no one else is up for that. Which seems fine to me, since Mike isn't asking anyone else to do anything. Mike tells the others, "I'm gonna find something that's alive that we are gonna kill," and I know we're all thinking the same thing here: Jerri qualifies. Mike smears his luxury item all over his face and tells us in a confessional that he's "very, very determined to get a pig." He says that all pigs need to drink, so he'll wait by the water and look for pig tracks. Jeff begrudgingly lets Mike use the knife to fashion a spear. Michael tells us that, "Once I see a pig it's gonna be a, you know, an incredible act of exertion to try and get it. But I'm gonna build a spear with the knife on the end and then I'm gonna run one down and I'm gonna get as close as I can and then I'm just gonna kinda you know figure it out from there." Mike's a little too excited about the pig-killing. He sounds like a fourth grader describing his summer plans, although hopefully for most children, the subject matter differs. Elisabeth thinks Mike should be out looking for tracks and Alicia says his is an unrealistic plan. Not that I'm down with the pig-killing, but if I was down with the pig-killing, I'd think the others might try to contribute to the effort -- couldn't Elisabeth look for tracks? Without the immunity headdress on, she probably can see quite clearly. Kimmi could run ahead and try to cover up the tracks. Jeff tells Mike that he's a little worried about the knife being lost in the pig hunt, and Mike dismisses him with, "And I'm glad you brought that to our attention and I will absolutely, positively not lose this knife." Michael gleefully continues his pre-pig-killing activities and I'm so expecting to hear a chorus of, "Kill the beast! Cut his throat! Spill his blood!"

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