MONDO EXTRAS

Tubey Awards: Most Memorable TV Moments

by admin September 15, 2008
Tubey Awards 2008: Most Memorable TV Moments

Cally Finally Gets Airlocked
Battlestar Galactica, "The Ties That Bind," April 18, 2008
For a show that started with the genocide of humanity, you might think it would be hard to make a single death count -- much less make it hilarious. Not so for Petty Officer Second Class Callandra Henderson, who in the space of one episode managed to not only fulfill her potential as the trashiest survivor in all Twelve Colonies, but give two characters spicy new nervous breakdowns. Having uncovered the worst-kept secret in the Fleet -- a conspiracy among four highly placed cast members to hide the fact that they were Cylons ("And have been from the beginning!") -- Cally dealt with the information in the most appropriately Whiskey Tango way she could find: gobbling scrips, lugging her giant baby into a bar, screaming incoherently like the best episode of Cheaters you ever saw, and then barfing in public. Was she pushed or did she fall? Nobody's sure. All we know is that her husband and the woman that killed her are both apparently going to go twice as crazy as she ever thought about going, and for that we're grateful. Say what you will about the little ear-biter, but at least she died the way she lived: with total poise, class and style. -- Jacob

Big Girl, You Are Beautiful
America's Next Top Model, "And The Winner Is...," May 14, 2008
On May 14, 2008, the cowering masses of these great United States (or at least a stylish chunk of its gays and gals) ceremoniously dropped to their knees and kissed Tyra Banks's fat ass! On this momentous night, Whitney Thompson defied the odds to become the first full-figured model (or "plus-sized," as they used to call these porkers back in the day) to clinch the dubious honor of America's (dramatic pause) Next (dramatic pause) Top (dramatic pause) Model. Sure, the size-8 poser's controversial win was a bit of a slap in the face to genitally mutilated and linguistically challenged models worldwide... but it was also a bright, shining flash of the future, a moment when The Second Coming of Oprah put down her bucket o' ribs -- put 'em right down Whitney's gullet -- and summoned all of her righteous power to reveal a world in which wolf shall dwell with lamb, leopard shall lie with kid... and a heifer shall lead them all. Once a sassy Floridian with a little extra junk in her trunk, Whitney transformed into a fierce Anna Nicole Smith knock-off, unafraid to simulate homelessness, slap on some prime rib hot pants, or channel her inner fetus. From henceforth it shall echo from the mountaintops that even chubsters can become inconsequential blips on the pop culture radar. So dream big, fatties! You, too, can overcome dead eyes, a horse-y runway walk, and Jay Manuel's whack photo shoots. Praise be to Tyra! -- Lady Lola

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