Twin Peaks
Episode Sixteen

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Scream '90

Poor, poor Leland. It's been such a good run. But now he's handcuffed and cackling crazily, as Cooper, Truman, Albert, and Hawk look on as Leland hoots and howls and chips a tooth trying to chew the scenery off the metal bars that cover the windows, snarling, "I guess you want to ask him some questions." Cooper does: "Did you kill Laura Palmer?" More howling of the Emmy-vying, Nicholson-poaching, all-work-and-no-play-makes-BOB-a-dull-murder-resolution variety ensues. BOB admits to Laura's murder, and Cooper moves on to Maddy, and BOB engages in a "you are, no you are, no you are" cat-and-mouse with that question until he smiles with a "Well, gosh, gee whiz, I have this thing for knives." Sigh. The planet's purest form of evil who's been silently steering his human host into committing heinous deeds for the better part of the last forty years, and when he's finally cornered his personality is one of dark, treacherous…snarky sarcasm? Weak, people. But looking at the positives, I'll be sure to keep his name around for MBTV recapping consideration if that Michael Crichton project ever gets around to airing. Anyway, BOB thanks Leland for being a "good vehicle," claiming that he will now "shuffle off to Buffalo." Now that Leland's body is weak and captured, BOB will be taking his leave. And when he goes, he continues, Leland will suddenly be confronted with the full weight of the crimes for which he's been charged. Truman notes, "That's enough for me" and they all take their leave of the room. And I'll bet they're glad they didn't walk…

…To the front of the Police Station, where the inappropriately positioned Dick/Lucy/Andy subplot could not have reared its cheesy, gay head (um, did somebody say "gay head"?) at a more inopportune time. Lucy takes her two beaus into an open interrogation room, where Dick asks Andy if he has a light for the cigarette that's -- sigh -- IN A HOLDER. Because he's come a long way, baby. Anyway, Lucy tells them that she's made up her mind, and she's keeping her baby. Andy don't preach, but Dick rolls his eyes and uncomfortably adjusts his paisley ascot as he listens to Lucy describe a blood test the baby will take after it's born to determine the father. But during the pregnancy, she expects full cooperation from them both. Dick finally lights his cigarette and the smoke tendrils up toward a nearby smoke alarm as…

…Albert lights a cigarette of his own outside of Leland's cell as Cooper offers his version of The Secret Cliff's Notes of Laura Palmer, tying the murder case up so quickly and so tightly it all but cuts off circulation to the part of his brain that eschews "hasty illogic." Cooper reminds the assemblage that the little man danced in his dream, which is what Leland began to do compulsively shortly after Laura's murder. BOB was a gray-haired man, and Leland's hair turned gray overnight after he killed Jacques, but not after killing Laura or Theresa Banks, for some reason. And he killed Laura because he was on to her in the secret diary. He was the third man at the train car, and it was his blood they found. Truman country bumpkins that BOB can't be real, and from inside the cell Leland begins crying the "I'll catch you with my death bag" speech which, let's face it, I've recapped in its entirety like a hundred times. Give a recapper a break, people.

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Twin Peaks

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