Back at the police station, Truman sits in a conference room, telling Donna, "We already have Laura Palmer's diary." Donna renders the entire situation as silly and implausible in practice as it probably looked on paper with her assertion, "No. Her secret diary." Truman claims again that he bought the book at Genovese -- er, I mean, "retrieved her diary from her bedroom," and tells Donna, "This is a lot like the boy who cried wolf" (though, if you ask me, the contrived do-gooders-gone-sorta-kinda-evil rings a lot more like the "Three Little Prigs," har har har), adding, "The last time you played this game, Doctor Jacoby ended up in a hospital bed." He warily promises to have someone check it out, but before Lancelot Linka's directorial pacing threatens to shut down production altogether (a three-hour scene with seven actual lines such as this one tends to do that to a show), the script impedes and a black-suited man carrying a briefcase happens past the room screaming -- SCREAMING LIKE THIS -- "EXCUSE ME, I'M LOOKING FOR A SHERIFF HARRY S. TRUMAN." He walks past the room. He turns around. He reenters the room: "I'M LOOKING FOR A SHERIFF HARRY S. TRUMAN. FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION'S REGIONAL BUREAU CHIEF GORDON COLE. THAT'S A REAL MOUTHFUL BUT I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF ANYWAY. I'M AGENT COOPER'S SUPERVISOR." Truman excuses himself from the non-hilarious subplot of the moment and leaves Donna time-lapsing into invisibility into the conference room (seriously, at this point in the series, you can fast-forward through a scene and actually see the girl shedding weight and internal organs. It's gross) to join this GORDON COLE out in the hall. "AND WHO DID YOU SAY YOU WERE?" Truman keeps his voice level in an attempted show of unruffled authority, "I'm Sheriff Truman." But COLE cranks up a hearing aid and warns, "YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, SHERIFF, HEARING'S GONE. LONG STORY. GOT THESE THINGS CRANKED UP TO THE MAX." So Harry pipes it up ever so slightly, but I wouldn't say that his response of "Are you looking for Agent Cooper?" warrants the same FULL-CAPITALIZATION that accompanies Cole's every word. Perhaps his volume in this situation would be best rendered by capitalizing every other letter, like this: "ArE yOu LoOkInG fOr AgEnT cOoPeR?" But, considering that this egregious use of language is generally migraine-inducing to look at, as well as too-often found as a User Name like "I_LuV_SeTh_GrEeN" over in the Buffy forums, I will suffice it to say that COLE just can't hear his fellow lawman's speech no matter what volume he attempts. COLE lets Truman know that "ALBERT ROSENFIELD WILL NOT BE COMING BACK" (AWWWW that is, "awwww"), but wants Truman to know that the fibers found outside of Cooper's room the night of the shooting are from a vicuna coat. "The coat was vicuna?" "SOUNDS REAL GOOD, SHERIFF, BUT I ALREADY ATE." Have you guys spent the same amount of time trying to interpret just what the holy living hell COLE thinks Truman is saying here? "Would you like some tuna?" That's as far as I've gotten. That's why they pay me the phatty bucks. Have I mentioned that COLE is played by David Lynch? C'mon, Lynch. Go take the camera. Glatter don't mind. She's got her nose too buried in the director's primer guide Fire Steal From Me: Harping the Lynchian Style for Dummies, anyway. And apparently she's not too far past the contributors page and dedications. Go ahead, Lynch. Take it. TAKE IT. Oh, never mind.
Episode Report Card674 USERS: C+
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