Back at Ambiguous Rustic Locale, Audrey continues with her very elegant Trainspotting heroin withdrawal, except with far less excrement and a find/change on all stage directions reading "Hallucinates baby on the ceiling" to "Sleeps the restful sleep of kings." Ben and Cooper stand over her, and Ben comments that "she looks like an angel." Cooper wakes her up, and she glares at Ben when he claims repeatedly to have been so worried about her. He smarms the place up all the more: "It's times like these that make a man aware of the value of life. Every raindrop. Every sunset." Audrey patiently waits for her father to wrap up his recording session for the book-on-tape version of 14,000 Things to be Happy About (though why he would intentionally choose to leave out "Etymological dictionaries" [p. 568] and "The 'Hi and Lois' comic strip" [p. 376] will remain forever beyond my grasp of comprehension) before glaring back and accusing, "I'm aware of a lot of new things too, Daddy." She and Cooper exchange a knowing glance. Ben laments the "terrible experience" she must have had with all of those "terrible people," and she spits back in, sadly, a pretty fair foreshadowing of the dramatic actress she was to become (I'm looking your way, Boxing Helena), "I. Saw. So. Much." Ben tells Cooper that his car is outside, but Audrey chimes in that she would like Cooper to take her home instead. Ben smiles and suggests, "Maybe we can all go together?" Everyone is positively jubilant about that idea. But not as much as they would rejoice in "Bert Parks" [p. 258], I am certain.

Morning at the Hurley House of Horrors. Nadine runs in with numerous shopping bags, extolling the virtues of the lovely dress she just bought and celebrating, "You know, they didn't look at me twice when I used the charge card?" Good times, good times. She asks when her parents will be getting home from Europe, but for now loves the idea of pretending to be married to Ed while they're away. "It is neat having the place all to ourselves. We can pretend it's ours!" She jumps on couches. She punches him in the stomach. Better be careful about the ridiculous amount of scenery you're swallowing, then, or there ain't gonna be no house for you to stay all jazzed about.

A shot of a disturbingly hairless male abdomen and hands buckling a belt in extremely close-up "Ab Cam" cuts to Josie lying on a couch, trying to cover herself up in what appears to be a dress made out of maroon velvet. Jonathan stands above her and drops a white envelope on the table containing a "one-way ticket. Seattle, Hong Kong." She claims she has one more day, and that she has "waited five years" for her "insurance money," and oh yeah, "Ben Horne hasn't paid me yet, either." Huh? Where? What's going on? Who is this man and why do I care? Oh, wait. I don't care. So I will gloss mercilessly past the part about Jonathan telling Josie, "Mr. Eckhardt will make it more than worth your while" and threatening to kill Sheriff Truman if she's not on the plane that takes off at midnight. She frowns and looks very, very sad, as if she's at least 14,000 things away from breaking into a jubilant smile, as we must upon thinking of the Dow Jones Industrial Average, as dictated on page 232.