Eureka! Man alive. Great day in the morning. Gee, Djb, why all the generic-proclamations-of-joy-befitting-a-grizzled-1890s-prospector, right here in the prologue to this recap, eh? Here's why: Sars bought me the entire Twin Peaks series on VHS for my life-alteringly cool Christmas present (or, as Amazon has since decided, considering their rather haphazard delivery schedule, my "life-alteringly cool Purim present"). Hence, I'll be using these tapes exclusively to recap the rest of the series. I know. I'm really, really sorry, mom. Your taping skills so many years ago were not in vain. You were a very, very good mom. As long as your relevance lasted. So, um, I guess that means that Sars is my new mommy now. Right? Well then, yippee-ki-yay! I done struck gold! Hee-haw! Ahem. Sorry.
Fade in on a panning shot across a really starry night sky in the much-visited land of Stock Footage Of Excessively Starry Night Skies, a doubtless retroactive shout-out to the fact that the first, like, sixty episodes of Roswell began the exact same way (not to mention the dozens of other shows in the history of the televisual medium that center around space and the prospect of life beyond our own planet Hence, I'm almost surprised when the words "The Truth Is Shout-Out There" don't appear on the screen before I get on with my recapping day, which should begin in earnest in the unlikely event I should ever get around to closing these here parentheses). A voice whispers "Cooper," and the Class Trip To The Planetarium music (which, on this show, is defined as "every note ever heard on the soundtrack not including Julee Cruise and sometimes that which includes Julee Cruise) kicks into high gear. Out of this I've-seen-more-realistic-renderings-of-the-night-sky-with-a-few-white-pegs-on-my-Lite-Bright-set background, a yellow symbol depicting three interlocking triangles comes spinning toward the camera. Spinning through space, spinning, spinning, spinning. Ooooh. I'm in a trance. Hypnotized. Your wish is my command, Mr. Lynch. I will find On the Air to be hilarious. I will deem my small-claims lawsuit for the $7.50 I am still owed for Lost Highway to be "frivolous" and finally drop it. I will also huh? No, I'm fine. I'm back. Well, that was scary.
Spinning, spinning, spinning. When the CGI triangle thingee finally spins out of space and into the camera and bursts apart, General Zod and his marauding band of Superman-hating intergalactic travelers are finally released into the world to wreak havoc on an unsuspecting "Houston," which oh, wait.