Andy slides down a rope in the middle of the police station and tells Lucy that he's going "spelunking." Lucy makes him promise to be careful before he slips to the floor and disappears because, well, quirky. Over in Truman's office, Cooper walks in, decked in his standard FBI-issue spelunking gear, an all-black suit with a light affixed to a hardhat. Truman tells Cooper that Pete dialed in his next chess move, which would expose a pawn but then expose Windom's bishop once he took the pawn. And that would be bad or something. Whatever. Check out the chessboard continuity from episode to episode. Even they don't seem to know.
Okay, this moment's kind of hard to explain, probably because we're on an outside set for the first time since the speaking of the words "the old foghorn blows," and my eyes haven't adjusted to natural light or, well, any light at all, really. And then there's the pressing matter of the resurgence of "Big Chief" Johnny Horne, clad in native headdress and brandishing a bow and arrow, shooting suction-cupped arrows at brightly-colored targets shaped like, I think, oxen. Really, I can't explain it any better. If you can't picture what I'm talking about and can't remember the moment in question from your many viewings of these season-two nuggets, you might just have to come over. Inside Ben's office, Ben looks out at his first-born and, as the heart-tugging strains of the Twin Peaks theme song begin to play, Ben turns to Audrey, sitting on the office couch. Noshing on a carrot because he's Danny DeVito at the Oscars, he offers Audrey a pithy speech about Jack and Bobby Kennedy watching out for each other back in their White House days, culminating in Ben telling Audrey that he's looking for someone who will offer "the unvarnished truth," adding, "You are the best man for the job." He continues with his remorse for being a bad father all over again, but he's changed, "and I am determined to be a better person. The kind of father that you will respect." The kind of father who must make his sudden twist of character known. Again. Okay, Johnny Twelve-Times. We get that you're good. He invokes Laura's name and tells us that he's sorry for all his mistakes, asking Audrey if she'll help him build "a life in happiness" for them all. A life in happiness? Yikes. From Creepy Born-Again to flat-out Cultish in record time. When Audrey offers a hand for Ben to shake, I'm afraid he's going to set her to the task of motoring out to Twin Peaks International Airport and not coming back until all those flowers have been given out and the message of the Reverend Sun Young Moon has been appropriately disseminated. But lo, her assignment is even more odious: "Audrey, pack a bag, get out to the airport. Your plane leaves in an hour." And, on cue, in walks John Justice "Duke Duke Duke Duke Of Earl Duke Duke Duke Of Earl Duke Duke Duke Of Earl" Wheeler as Audrey cries, "My PLANE?" in some kind of shock and, even I'm only projecting it onto her, not a little horror. Ben tells Wheeler that Audrey is flying to Seattle for "a meeting with the environmentalists." Oh, good. At least she doesn't have to go with Tuck. And she's off, looking kind of melancholy about it. Ben tells John to sit, and they settle on opposite sides of the couch, Ben kicking off his shoes and telling us again, "I am filled to the brim with a feeling of goodness. Like a Christmas tree." All those Christmas trees, bursting with personified pride. Ben asks Wheeler if he can really be good, and Wheeler tells him the secret is to "always tell the hardest truth first." Wheeler offers by way of example, "I'm falling in love with your daughter." Ben settles up right next to Wheeler on the couch and takes another tasty beta-carotene-filled bite of his carrot, and I feel like Wheeler almost needs to clarify, "You do realize I said your DAUGHTER, right? Ben? Ben, hands where I can see 'em, Ben."