Wearing a tucked-in sweater.

Shudder.

It's red, white, and black, like he's some ardent nationalist draped in the flag of the sovereign nation of Fashiondeathtopia, the red crewneck revealing just a bit too much chest and a bit too much nape. And he took the care to tuck this, the product of a shiny quarter and a vending machine at Costco, into brown slacks pulled practically up to his ribcage. Push him all you want, folks. Weeble-Wobbles don't fall down. Anyway, his character had been riding the crest pretty seriously since his introduction, but tucked-in sweaters = shark jumping. Every single time. Just so you know.

Knock knock. John Justice "King Of Pain" Wheeler hears a voice on the other side of the door inform him, "Room service." He tells the mystery food deliverer to enter, and Audrey enters, all, "Nice ensemble, Tucked and Patty." Okay, she doesn't say that. Instead, she puts his food down in a far corner of the room and speeches, "I trust your sleep was without trouble. Here at the Great Northern, we aim to make your stay as comfortable and as enjoyable as possible." She moves an arm with a flourish like she's trying to be one of Bob Barker's girls indicating prizes on the Showcase Showdown, but her head's not in the dialogue. The girl is a cutie-pie, I'll give you that. But she can't act her way out of a box. As Boxing Helena so adequately helped to break down the cliché of that statement. John Justice "Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert" Wheeler approaches Audrey, and Billy Zane ties on the most patronizing tone in the history of what we know as "spoken language," telling her, "The next time you come into my room and carry on like this, you'd better be ready to finish whatever it is you intend to start." He leans in for a kiss. Augh. She pulls away. I love you, Audrey. He tells her that he wants to give her "a flight at sunset and a dinner for two." She smiles at him, wondering if she'll be allowed to pick the guy, hedging, "When?" He volleys back, "The flight or the sunset?" This flirtation makes so little sense that I think my head just exploded. To continue in that vein, Audrey responds, "Well, I have to go to the library and have a meeting with my father." The library? Doesn't that hotel have, like, sixty thousand rooms? Why not meet in one of those? Wheeler cuts her off: "A simple yes or no will do." She whispers, "Yes." Well, if they're having sex, at least he can't still be tucked in. Wait. Unless he can. Which, really, is the scariest prospect of them all.