Truman. Cooper. Police station. Things are looking up. Transcriptionpalooza!
Truman: No, not a word. She wants to speak to the South African Consulate.
Cooper: In Twin Peaks?
Truman: [bemused shrug]
Cooper: [stoic glare]
Truman: Why would Eckhardt want me dead?
Cooper: Sexual jealousy.
Truman: Oh, yeah.
Cooper: It's good to have you back, Harry.
Ha! I simply adore that entire exchange, particularly Cooper's response to the completely absurd request to speak to the South African Consulate. Hi. Shut up, "Jones." Harry tells Cooper that he's having a little trouble getting back his "sea legs," and Cooper volleys, "To be honest, it looks like you went down with the ship." Curious as to why those last two lines weren't in the above verbatim transcription of "dialogue that crackles"? Because it doesn't, so much. But this kind of does: Cooper tells Harry to go home and recuperate, but Truman tells Cooper that all he needs is coffee and a little food. Cooper puts on a big smile and outlines his plan: "Surefire cure for a hangover, Harry. You take a glass of nearly frozen, unstrained tomato juice, you plop a couple of oysters in there, you drink it down. Breathe deeply. Next, you take a mound -- and I mean a mound -- of sweetbreads. Sauté 'em with some chestnuts and some Canadian bacon. Finally, biscuits. Big biscuits. Smothered in gravy. Now, here's where it gets tricky. You're gonna need some anchovies…" Truman excuses himself and goes lunging for a nearby bathroom, leaving a smiling Cooper watching after him, nodding, "That should do it." Just when you think it's dead and gone, they pull out a scene really worth watching. However, I have to say that I've eaten far worse things when hungover. And with me, they kind of usually work. I'm just saying, lose the hairy fish and the cow's brains, and I'm pretty much on board for the rest of it. Also, lose the word "mound." And the word "plop."
Over in Harry's long-abandoned office, Doc Hayward looks at a bonsai tree that has been delivered mysteriously to the office, and Truman returns with a cloth on his head to join Hayward and Cooper. He sits down at his desk and regards a note, alerting them and us, "It's from Josie." God. How can we miss her if she won't go away? The good doctor retreads the scene from last week, telling Harry that Windom Earle (this week I believe I'll spell his last name with the "e." Y'know, correctly) was in his house. The drama barely has a moment to settle in before a bellowing voice screams from the hallway, "Thanks, Lucy!" And in walks the long-forgotten Gordon Cole, who shouts, "Agent Dale Cooper! Sure sorry to interrupt you fellas! But Coop, I'm bringing you the classified portion of the Windom Earle dossier!" Truman sits behind his desk, grasping his forehead at the auditory horror of it all. And, really, he's not alone. Cole's S.O.S. ("Save Our Show") rallying t-shirt barely visible underneath his black suit, we hardly even know why he's there. Except where he thinks that his wacky, loud character can somehow rescue this show from becoming ABC's next casualty. It can't. Something needs to make room for another hour of Saget-tastic programming, so why on Earth wouldn't it be this low-rated hour right here?
A close-up on the bonsai tree cuts over to Windom in the woods, bitching about Dale "refusing to play fair," listening in on the conversation going on inside the police station. And then we cut right back to the station. Awwwwww. Look at the cute show, learning intercutting! That's adorable. Before you know it, maybe they'll put together a montage or two. Or turn the lights back on. They've got time. Actually, they have no time. Cole tells us that "when Earle went boi-oi-oing, the doctors discovered he was on haloperidol." That's the same drug Gerard, the One-Armed Man was on. Cut to the woods. Cut back. Awwwww. Also, there's a connection between Earle and Project Blue Book, which Cooper tells us all is "curious linkage." Cole vamps on, "The word 'linkage' reminds me of sausage. Never cared much for the links, preferred the patties. But breakfast is a good idea." He should hear the words "mound" and "plop" sometime, if he thinks "linkage" is no good. Cole regards the bonsai plant and asks, "Remember those old World War II movies?" He leans into the plant and shouts, "Bonsai!" Back in the woods, Earle whips a headphone earpiece out of his ear and screams, of course, "Damnation!" I love the computer Earle is using for his high-tech surveillance. The DOS folks who shipped the first computers ever to Radio Shack will be happy for the kickback. Look at that thing. Speaking of "World War II." And hey, if the who "raging lunatic" thing fails, Earle can always kick back and relax with a rousing round of "Lemonade Stand."