Twin Peaks
Episode Twenty-Five

Episode Report Card
Djb: C+ | Grade It Now!
Belt it, cinch it, and kill me

Okay, this moment's kind of hard to explain, probably because we're on an outside set for the first time since the speaking of the words "the old foghorn blows," and my eyes haven't adjusted to natural light or, well, any light at all, really. And then there's the pressing matter of the resurgence of "Big Chief" Johnny Horne, clad in native headdress and brandishing a bow and arrow, shooting suction-cupped arrows at brightly-colored targets shaped like, I think, oxen. Really, I can't explain it any better. If you can't picture what I'm talking about and can't remember the moment in question from your many viewings of these season-two nuggets, you might just have to come over. Inside Ben's office, Ben looks out at his first-born and, as the heart-tugging strains of the Twin Peaks theme song begin to play, Ben turns to Audrey, sitting on the office couch. Noshing on a carrot because he's Danny DeVito at the Oscars, he offers Audrey a pithy speech about Jack and Bobby Kennedy watching out for each other back in their White House days, culminating in Ben telling Audrey that he's looking for someone who will offer "the unvarnished truth," adding, "You are the best man for the job." He continues with his remorse for being a bad father all over again, but he's changed, "and I am determined to be a better person. The kind of father that you will respect." The kind of father who must make his sudden twist of character known. Again. Okay, Johnny Twelve-Times. We get that you're good. He invokes Laura's name and tells us that he's sorry for all his mistakes, asking Audrey if she'll help him build "a life in happiness" for them all. A life in happiness? Yikes. From Creepy Born-Again to flat-out Cultish in record time. When Audrey offers a hand for Ben to shake, I'm afraid he's going to set her to the task of motoring out to Twin Peaks International Airport and not coming back until all those flowers have been given out and the message of the Reverend Sun Young Moon has been appropriately disseminated. But lo, her assignment is even more odious: "Audrey, pack a bag, get out to the airport. Your plane leaves in an hour." And, on cue, in walks John Justice "Duke Duke Duke Duke Of Earl Duke Duke Duke Of Earl Duke Duke Duke Of Earl" Wheeler as Audrey cries, "My PLANE?" in some kind of shock and, even I'm only projecting it onto her, not a little horror. Ben tells Wheeler that Audrey is flying to Seattle for "a meeting with the environmentalists." Oh, good. At least she doesn't have to go with Tuck. And she's off, looking kind of melancholy about it. Ben tells John to sit, and they settle on opposite sides of the couch, Ben kicking off his shoes and telling us again, "I am filled to the brim with a feeling of goodness. Like a Christmas tree." All those Christmas trees, bursting with personified pride. Ben asks Wheeler if he can really be good, and Wheeler tells him the secret is to "always tell the hardest truth first." Wheeler offers by way of example, "I'm falling in love with your daughter." Ben settles up right next to Wheeler on the couch and takes another tasty beta-carotene-filled bite of his carrot, and I feel like Wheeler almost needs to clarify, "You do realize I said your DAUGHTER, right? Ben? Ben, hands where I can see 'em, Ben."

Early-nineties CGI alert! It's Perpetual Night in Owl Cave, and Cooper, Truman, Andy, and Hawk approach the triangular symbol with much awe. Cooper posits, "Two symbols combined into a larger whole…but for what purpose? The tattoos are the question. This must be the answer." An owl watches Cooper approach the cave wall, then flies wildly around them. Discouraging PETA enthusiasts everywhere, the normally docile Andy goes for the owl with his pickaxe, which gets caught in the cave wall. The four then watch in shock as a Styrofoam panel slides out of the wall, and another symbol, kind of a triangle with two arms, comes sliding out of the wall toward them. Cooper approaches and describes it as a "petroglyph." And not a triangle spider, as I thought would be most descriptive. Cooper sets up the show's remaining dramatic action in alerting them, "I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a feeling it will be a place both wonderful and strange."

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Twin Peaks




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