Back at the Great Northern, Ben's office is packed with the usual executive board of Bobby, Jerry, and Audrey, Ben is wearing a really tacky jumpsuit befitting a sixty-five year-old woman on her way to the early bird special at the Boca Raton Ponderosa. Who can eat a whole steak? It's only four o'clock in the afternoon! Oh, sorry. That jumpsuit really transported me. Ben gnaws away at a piece of celery because he's Danny DeVito at the Academy Awards. A knock on the door of the office reveals Zane In The Ass, who flashes his many extra rows of teeth at Ben as they hug like straight men (though in that jumpsuit, I'm gonna go ahead and reserve judgement for the moment) do. By way of facile character development, Ben dispenses with the subtle introduction and just screams out the new character's name: "John Justice Wheeler!" Introductions all around. Ben asks the four to sit down on the couch, and embarks on a speech about Wheeler's history with the Horne family: "Years ago, I made an investment in him. A pittance, which he built into an empire." Now, it seems, Ben needs some help from Wheeler, considering recent developments in the company, recapped thusly: "The mill, the Ghostwood lands, are now solely owned by Katherine Martell. We don't begrudge her. The land was -- and is, after all -- hers." But, even without holdings, they are left with one thing: "the human spirit" and "the future." I guess Katherine also took their abacus or she left them only solar-powered calculators but then stole the sun. Because that's two things. By way of non-example, Ben walks over to a draped easel and pulls off the covering, revealing a pencil sketch of a long, ferret-y animal, which he introduces to the assemblage as "the little pine weasel. Found only in our tri-county area. They are almost extinct." Daddy-isn't-not-crazy-yet glances are woefully exchanged around the room as Ben continues on that "according to an environmental impact report, what few pine weasels remain will be all but wiped out in the Packard plans for Ghostwood development." Bobby, the dumb and inquisitive amongst the four easily identifiable personality types -- does the inner circle of Horne Industries feels like a cheap knock-off of Herman's Head to anyone else sometimes no, it's just me, then -- puts forth, "So, you wanna save the weasel?" But Ben's thinking bigger. And we know this because he leans in and speaks in hushed tones. And this is what he says: "No, Bobby. Not just the weasel. But life as we know it. I want Twin Peaks to remain unspoiled in an era of vast environmental carnage." He plans to fight Ghostwood on every ground "and with every available weapon. The little pine weasel is about to become a household word." Please return the calculators, Katherine. "Little pine weasel" hasn't been one word since, like, four words ago. See what I did there?
Episode Report CardDjb: B- | 543 USERS: B-
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